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Some people say that all young people should have full-time education until they are 18 years old. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Many people feel that full-time schooling is vital for teenagers until they become adults. This essay agrees with the statement. This essay will discuss, how full-time education is beneficial for young people. Full-time education in school, develops young people in every aspect of their life. Students not only achieve high results in academics, regular physical training strengthens their body, It helps them to stay active and healthy. Schools organise cultural events, by participating, students get knowledge of different cultures, rituals, way of living and thinking. Schools organise sports events too, they get a chance to play different sports. Students find their hobby, by taking part in extra-ciricular activity. In education centres, highly educated teachers and mentors help and guide young minds in every possible way. On other side, students learn so many valuable things indirectly, by full-time school. Communication, emotional intelligence, team work, ethics, morale, are some of things they learn by training from teachers and interacting with fellow students. School creates a very comfortable environment for students. By living and learning in comfortable environment, students learn things very efficiently, and also they love to come to school everyday, without any hesitation. Students should have good academic and general knowledge. They shouldwould have found their passion and hobbiesy by the time they finished highschool studies. So they will have prepared for further challenges. In conclusion, full-time education is required for students until they turn 18. It has great benefits. Overall, school helps people starting from kinder-garden to high-school, In learning every aspect of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that full-time schooling is vital for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
until they become adults. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement. This essay will discuss, how full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is beneficial for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, develops young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in every aspect of their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
achieve high results in academics, regular physical training strengthens their body, It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay active and healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, by participating,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, rituals, way of living and thinking.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organise’ is British English.
organise
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
too, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
find their hobby, by taking part in
Possible spelling mistake found.
extra-ciricular
activity. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
,
highly
educated teachers and mentors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and guide young minds in every possible way.

On other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
valuable things
indirectly
, by full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Communication, emotional intelligence, team work, ethics, morale, are
After ‘some of’, you should use ‘the’ (“some of the things”) or simply say “some things”.
some of things
they learn by training from teachers and interacting with fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. By living and learning in comfortable environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficiently
, and
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
, without any hesitation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic and general knowledge. They
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldwould
have found their passion and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hobbiesy
by the time they finished
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they will have prepared for
further
challenges.

In conclusion
, full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
until they turn 18. It has great benefits.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
starting from kinder-garden to high-school, In learning every aspect of life.
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IELTS essay Some people think young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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