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Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. v. 1
In the past, people used to work for the same company all their lives. In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of people who prefer to work for a variety of companies. This essay will show that despite there being many financial benefits to having a one-company career, it is better to switch workplaces regularly in order to fully develop. On the one hand, those who believe that having the same job throughout their lives argue that it gives them financial stability. Long term employees normally accrue financial rewards such as a higher salary and a decent pension plan. For instance, long-term employees of the UK government can normally retire when they are 55 with 75% of their final salary paid to them each month until they die. However, having the same job for life does not suit everyone and could leave to a certain level of stagnation. People working for a variety of companies are given more opportunities to learn different skills. When workers start a new job, they will be exposed to new co-workers and a different corporate culture that shows them how to do things differently. For example, Wired Magazine recently reported that the average Apple employee only works there for 5 years and the average Google worker is there for less than 2 for this very reason. In conclusion, while working for the same company all our lives can provide financial security, this essay believes that it is better to work for different companies in order to grow and become better than before.
In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that despite there being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
benefits to having a one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
career, it is better to switch workplaces
regularly
in order to
fully
develop.

On the one hand, those who believe that having the same job throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
argue that it gives them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
stability. Long term employees
normally
accrue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
rewards such as a higher salary and a decent pension plan.
For instance
, long-term employees of the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
normally
retire when they are 55 with 75% of their final salary paid to them each month until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
However
, having the same job for life does not suit everyone and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to a certain level of stagnation.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
working for a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more opportunities to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. When workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new job, they will
be exposed
to new co-workers and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corporate culture that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
them how to do things
differently
.
For example
, Wired Magazine recently reported that the average Apple employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
works there for 5 years and the average Google worker is there for less than 2 for this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reason.

In conclusion
, while working for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
all our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
security, this essay believes that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in order to grow and become better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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