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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.9

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 9
In today’s era, advertising plays a vital role in influencing people’s purchasing decisions. The masses are divided amongst this. Some are of the opinion that advertising urges people to purchase unwanted products, while others suggest it motivates people to buy product that benefits their lifestyle. I support the latter argument, and a number of opinions support my decision. Many companies, to sell their products, rely heavily on advertising appealing to their audience. This is to say, people really get intimidated to buy a certain product which could be beneficial to them. For instance, a recent product which was launched, advertised as a Guardian of Intestines named Yakult, garnered a lot of attention and positive response from the people. With an economical price and myriad of benefits, people invested their time and money for this product and found out that it is useful. Furthermore, the audience now is educated. They keep a tab on upcoming products and new releases and gauge amongst those and choose what they feel is right. With an array of products releasing, it is sometimes difficult to weigh which product is right. The chances of falling prey to fake products become high. But with the right awareness and clear mindset, one can easily determine what is right to use. A recent study shows, the people’s efficient purchasing decisions have seen a hike to up to 74% in 2018, from 56% in 2016. This clearly shows that the people really know what products are useful to them and they do not really want to splurge their money on something else. In conclusion, people really make clear decisions to purchase good products and are smart enough to not fall into traps.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era, advertising plays a vital role in influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
purchasing decisions. The masses
are divided
amongst this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that advertising urges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, while others suggest it motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that benefits their lifestyle. I support the latter argument, and a number of opinions support my decision.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, rely
heavily
on advertising appealing to their audience. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
intimidated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which could be beneficial to them.
For instance
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which
was launched
, advertised as a Guardian of Intestines named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yakult
, garnered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. With an economical price and myriad of benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invested their time and money for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and found out that it is useful.

Furthermore
, the audience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is educated
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a tab on upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and new releases and gauge amongst those and choose what they feel is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
. With an array of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
releasing, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
difficult to weigh which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
. The chances of falling prey to fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
become high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
awareness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
mindset, one can
easily
determine what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
efficient purchasing decisions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a hike to up to 74% in 2018, from 56% in 2016. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are useful to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
want to splurge their money on something else.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
decisions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and are smart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to not fall into traps.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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