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Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. v. 1
People have different views about whether older or younger people are more suitable for important positions in organisations. While I accept that old individuals have significantly important qualities, I believe younger ones are more likely to become good leaders. On the one hand, elderly people can be good leaders for some reasons. Firstly, as old people have worked for many years, they have accumulated much more work experience compared to younger workers. This might allow them to make wiser decisions and bring success to the company they work for. Secondly, older people are often more respected by others. Therefore, they can have a more powerful voice within the company, and people are more likely to listen to them. If leaders are young, they might find it hard to influence other employees. On the other hand, I believe it will be better if young people take up important positions. The first reason is that since young individuals tend to be physically stronger, they can handle big responsibilities and much work. Being a leader requires people to work with much pressure, and old people are often not capable of doing that. Additionally, younger people are usually more creative, so they are more likely to find newer and better improvements which benefit the entire organisation. For example, a young manager can come up with a new advertising strategy for a product, which contributes to the increasing sales of the company. In conclusion, while I accept that old individuals can be good leaders of an organisation, I believe these important positions should be given to younger people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether older or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
positions in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. While I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
individuals have
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
qualities, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
ones are more likely to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leaders.

On the one hand, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, they have accumulated much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
workers. This might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wiser decisions and bring success to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for.
Secondly
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
more respected by others.
Therefore
, they can have a more powerful voice within the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to listen to them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, they might find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to influence other employees.

On the other hand
, I believe it will be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
positions. The
first
reason is that since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals tend to be
physically
stronger, they can handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibilities and much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with much pressure, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not capable of doing that.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
more creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are more likely to find newer and better improvements which benefit the entire
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
manager can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a new advertising strategy for a product, which contributes to the increasing

sales of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, while I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
individuals can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, I believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
positions should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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