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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. v.1

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 1
The explosion in advertising industry creates a question for many people about the ultimate aims of these advertisements. Whereas some people think that they often attract us buying things we don’t really need. I would argue that they help us to find items which can improve our standard of life. On the one hand, almost advertising companies aims at the basic needs of audience but some agencies do not. Firstly, they use eye-catching image and put it everywhere which everyone is able to see or use glamorous and successful people come discussions of their companies to make customers’ stable belief about their items, results in motivating consumers to buy goods impulsively. Secondly, unwary children could be easily swayed by captivating advertisements, take the advantage of this, lots of enterprises towards the target audiences such as teenagers or children, and so they will put pressure on their parents to buy it though they don’t really need it. On the other hand, it seems to me that advertising brings us many good choices in order to improve the quality of life. They inform us meticulously about the choices we have especially in a modern business. For instance, you want to buy a refrigerator but you don’t have enough time to gain knowledge about technology items so you are able to access to electronic advertisements on websites and you will be listened to advices from sales staff, therefore you can have the best production which they want. Moreover, without advertising we would have less choice due to lacking of broaden about the pace of modern life. As a result, it’s so hard for us to enjoy a comfortable life, which almost people need. In conclusion, while advertising often make us buy unnecessary goods, it seems to me that advertising gradually increase the convenience of our life.
The explosion in advertising industry creates a question for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the ultimate aims of these advertisements.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attract us buying things we don’t
really
need. I would argue that they
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help us find"?
help us to find
items which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our standard of life.

On the one hand, almost advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
aims at the basic needs of audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
agencies do not.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
eye-catching image and put it everywhere which everyone is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glamorous and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
discussions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
customers’ stable belief about their items, results in motivating consumers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
impulsively
.
Secondly
, unwary children could be
easily
swayed by captivating advertisements, take the advantage of this, lots of enterprises towards the target audiences such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or children, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will put pressure on their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it
Did you mean "thought"?
though
they don’t
really
need it.

On the other hand
, it seems to me that advertising brings us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choices in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They inform us
meticulously
about the choices we have
especially
in a modern business.
For instance
, you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a refrigerator
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to gain knowledge about technology items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you are able to access to electronic advertisements on websites and you will
be listened
to advices from sales staff,
therefore
you can have the best production which they want.
Moreover
, without advertising we would have less choice due to lacking of broaden about the pace of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for us to enjoy a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, which almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need.

In conclusion
, while advertising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, it seems to me that advertising
gradually
increase the convenience of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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