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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.6

Advertising is already beacone a vital part of everyone's life. Every kind of business is running with the help of marketing. Advertising can be in any way like through social media, person to person and hoardings. But, the most popular one is with networking through social media. Because, it's the most easiest and cheapest way of marketing. Firstly, in my opinion folks can get attract by the advertising material to buy more things than they need to buy. Beacause when someone get notice with various sales material they always try to reach that things only thought of window shopping but, they spend more more money than they suppose to do. In this way many organizations do a lot of with sales but not every customer get the relevant stuff. Because with every sales material the seller always try to sell irrelevant material to just increase the sale. Like, in quarantine I was always surfing the net to spend my time and with that I started shopping online and bought unnecessary things that I didn't even use afterwards. On other hand, if people try to be smart with their daily expenses they can tackle the problem of over shopping. Because, advertising can't force someone to buy something. At last, advertising is the important aspect for daily way life. It's help in many ways to start trying new things. And as to do something adventuress in life we need to start trying new things with profit and loss.
Advertising is already
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacone
a vital part of everyone's life. Every kind of business is running with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of marketing.

Advertising can be in any way like through social media, person to person and hoardings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the most popular one is with networking through social media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it's the
Use only “easiest” (without ‘most’) when you use the superlative.
most easiest
and cheapest way of marketing.

Firstly
, in my opinion folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attract by the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more things than they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beacause
when someone
The pronoun ‘someone’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “gets”, “got”.
get
notice with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
they always try to reach that things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of window shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they spend
Use only “more” (without ‘more’) when you use the comparative.
more more
money than they suppose to do.

In this way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not every customer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the relevant stuff.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
with every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
the seller always try to sell irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
. Like, in quarantine I was always surfing the net to spend my time and with that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
shopping online and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
unnecessary things that I didn't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
afterwards.

On other hand, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to be smart with their daily expenses they can tackle the problem of over shopping.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, advertising can't force someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something.

At last, advertising is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect for daily way life. It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
trying new things. And as to do something adventuress in life we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
trying new things with profit and loss.
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Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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