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Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more houses. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the country side. v.1

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more houses. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the country side. v. 1
An increasing trend in population is being witnessed all over the nations of the world which requires accommodation to be built. Some believe that new houses should be built inside the current cities. However, I argue that new towns should be developed in the nearby places. This is because of the space constraints in existing cities and an increase in pollution problem. Constructing new houses within the city will lead to less space and various other problems associated with it. This is because construction requires space and the cities which were already developed were planned and constructed in order to accommodate a fixed number of people. Therefore building more houses will mean using of open spaces which will then result in congestion in the city. For example, a recent study revealed that the city of Delhi has become even more congested than before due to construction of new houses inside the city and has left no space for other necessary purposes like hospitals, schools, parks etc. Secondly, the development of new houses in the same city will mean a significant growth in the population, hence the number of cars will increase which will lead to more pollution in the cities. To illustrate, in a recent research carried out by a local agency proved that how the increase in the number of cars due to the increase in the population of a particular area drastically increased the level of pollution by 40%. This results in making the city less liveable and prone to diseases. In Conclusion, I strongly believe with the idea of building new cities which will provide adequate open spaces and will be less polluted. Therefore, new towns should be developed near to the existing cities than developing the existing ones.
An increasing trend in population is
being witnessed
all over the nations of the world which requires accommodation to
be built
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
should
be built
inside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
However
, I argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
towns should
be developed
in the nearby places. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
constraints in existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in pollution problem.

Constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
within the city will lead to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and various other problems associated with it. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
construction requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which were already developed
were planned
and constructed in order to accommodate a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
will mean using of open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
which will then result in congestion in the city.
For example
, a recent study revealed that the city of Delhi has become even more congested than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
inside the city and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
for other necessary purposes like hospitals, schools, parks etc.

Secondly
, the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in the same city will mean a significant growth in the population,
hence
the number of cars will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
which will lead to more pollution in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To illustrate, in a recent research carried out by a local agency proved that how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of cars due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the population of a particular area
drastically
increased the level of pollution by 40%. This results in making the city less liveable and prone to diseases.

In Conclusion
, I
strongly
believe with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which will provide adequate open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
and will be less polluted.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
towns should
be developed
near to the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than developing the existing ones.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more houses. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the country side. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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