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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.36

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 36
Some people have a perspective that advertisements lure us to purchase goods that are not of necessity. But, others are of the view that advertising enlightens us about new items which might ameliorate our lives. I strongly agree that ads motivate consumers to buy unwanted things. In this essay, I will discuss both of these viewpoints. There are compelling reasons why advertisements encourage people to own unneeded items. First of all, multinational corporations create meticulously crafted ads to entice consumers to purchase their products. For instance, fast food chain McDonald’s advertising artefacts tries to lure children with toys and playrooms in order to sell kid’s meal. Moreover, vigorous advertisement campaigns are promoted across a plethora of channels such as TV, billboards, online and to gauze consumer attention to purchase goods that may be of no need for them. Consequently, people become more materialistic as advertising compounds their desire to own more items. However, there are some merits of ads. The primary advantage to consumers is the awareness of new products. Informative advertisements can benefit people in their daily lives. For example, campaigns of medicinal fluid to remove minuscule warts can greatly help people by removing dead skin cells from their body. Furthermore, advertising of the same kind of product from multiple vendors or manufacturers influences competitive pricing in the marketplace and thus greatly benefits us. For instance, toothpaste advertisements of Colgate, Crest or other brands provide one with varying options to choose from. Therefore, ad campaigns can enlighten consumers. To conclude, I firmly believe that advertising lures us to buy unwanted items through meticulously crafted ads and an influx of campaigns across various channels. On the bright side, advertisements can be informative and influence the pricing of goods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a perspective that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
lure us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that are not of necessity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, others are of the view that advertising enlightens us about new items which might ameliorate our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that ads motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unwanted things. In this essay, I will discuss both of these viewpoints.

There are compelling reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unneeded items.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, multinational corporations create
meticulously
crafted ads to entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their products.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chain McDonald’s advertising
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
tries to lure children with toys and playrooms in order to sell kid’s meal.
Moreover
, vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
are promoted
across a plethora of channels such as TV, billboards, online and to gauze
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that may be of no need for them.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more materialistic as advertising compounds their desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more items.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of ads. The primary advantage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
is the awareness of new products. Informative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
of medicinal fluid to remove minuscule warts can
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by removing dead skin cells from their body.
Furthermore
, advertising of the same kind of product from multiple vendors or manufacturers influences competitive pricing in the marketplace and
thus
greatly
benefits us.
For instance
, toothpaste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of Colgate, Crest or other brands provide one with varying options to choose from.
Therefore
, ad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
can enlighten consumers.

To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that advertising lures us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unwanted items through
meticulously
crafted ads and an influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campaigns
across various channels. On the bright side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can be informative and influence the pricing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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