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Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. v. 6
Nowadays, it has observed that lifestyle diseases increases because of poor lifestyle and eating habits. In my opinion, it is vital that the education system tries to provide knowledge about the health and its importance in life. The following essay state points to support my opinion. Firstly, if we can provide awareness about the illness that caused by the unhealthy eating habits to the children from the schools, then we can prevent those illnesses in the society. Moreover, the major reason for the obesity in the kids is the consumption of un-useful and unbalanced diet. For example, in Kerela, the teaching method includes a separate session about the nutrition and diet that required to attain and maintain a fitness. As a result of these sessions, now the kids are healthy and active in their growing stage. Secondly, the learning system should add extra-curriculum activities as part of the exercise. For the well-being of the youth need a better body. Furthermore, if the kids involve in the physical play then their body and mind get energized which in turn, helps them to concentrate on their studies and in the increasing the memory power. For instance, in Kerala, education system encourages students to participate in the cultural and the sports plays to help them to relax and enjoy the life. This helped kids to have a healthy life and they have taken the activities are a routine to relax. In conclusion, it is important that teaching includes subjects and sessions about the importance of a healthy way of living. Additionally, involving these topics during the childhood actually increase their fitness and performance in the academic and in the future.
Nowadays, it has observed that lifestyle diseases increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor lifestyle and eating habits. In my opinion, it is vital that the education system tries to provide knowledge about the health and its importance in life. The following essay state points to support my opinion.

Firstly
, if we can provide awareness about the illness that caused by the unhealthy eating habits to the children from the schools, then we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
those illnesses in the society.
Moreover
, the major reason for the obesity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is the consumption of
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-useful
and unbalanced diet.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kerela
, the teaching method includes a separate session about the nutrition and diet that required to attain and maintain a fitness.
As a result
of these sessions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are healthy and active in their growing stage.

Secondly
, the learning system should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
extra-curriculum activities as part of the exercise. For the well-being of the youth need a better body.
Furthermore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
involve in the physical play then their body and mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
energized which in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to concentrate on their studies and in the increasing the memory power.
For instance
, in Kerala, education system encourages students to participate in the cultural and the sports plays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to relax and enjoy the life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to have a healthy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they have taken the activities are a routine to relax.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that teaching includes subjects and sessions about the importance of a healthy way of living.
Additionally
, involving these topics during the childhood actually increase their fitness and performance in the academic and in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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