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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.31

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 31
In today's world, advertisement has become a significant tool to sell a product or even a service. While some argue that this kind of propaganda increases information about products that could make our lives better, others are of the opinion that these propagandas induce people to buy unnecessary things. This essay will discuss why I strongly believe that the latter is more correct. First of all, to promote a product, companies generally reveal only the pro side of it, thus they are providing an incomplete and an unreal description of the product. In this case, when only positive aspects are known, there is an inclination to buy that product, consequently we end up purchasing something which is not required. For example, some commercials of weight loss supplements has seen often in the last years, whereas there are many health experts defending the opinion that it is better to control the weight through a proper diet and exercises. Secondly, advertisements are very illustrative and children are easily attracted by them. Nowadays, most of the teenagers like to own a smart phone without necessity which are a result of these massive advertisements. For instance, in January was my sister's birthday, and my mother gave to her a brand new iPhone instead of buy books or even a computer to her studies. In conclusion, I totally agree that an advertisement creates an impression on the consumer's mind and people end up buying an undesired product. They could be less persuasive and more realistic showing the truth behind them.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has become a significant tool to sell a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or even a service. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this kind of propaganda increases information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
better, others are of the opinion that these
Possible spelling mistake found.
propagandas
induce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things. This essay will discuss why I
strongly
believe that the latter is more correct.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
generally
reveal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the pro side of it,
thus
they are providing an incomplete and an unreal description of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
In this case
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects
are known
, there is an inclination to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
,
consequently
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up purchasing something which is not required.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commercials of weight loss supplements has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
in the last years, whereas there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health experts defending the opinion that it is better to control the weight through a proper diet and exercises.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
illustrative and children are
easily
attracted by them. Nowadays, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a smart phone without necessity which are a result of these massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
For instance
, in January was my sister's birthday, and my mother gave to her a
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
iPhone
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books or even a computer to her studies.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
creates an impression on the consumer's mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up buying an undesired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. They could be less persuasive and more realistic showing the truth behind them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 31

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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