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Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or example v.12

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. 12
It is said that people should work for one company for whole life whilst others believe that they should change their job frequently to work with different companies. I think both approaches have benefits and drawbacks, and I will outline in this essay. On the one hand, the employees who have been working for a long time will be justified for promotion in corporate ladder firstly because they are the employees with the most experience and talent. Besides, companies always tend to value loyalty as the utmost importance criteria in their culture and business. Therefore, they usually reward loyal workers for their contribution such as long service award after 5, 10 or 15 years working with GE corporate as an example. Furthermore, companies are also eager to keep these talents as the invaluable assets from being brain-drain of peers which means the career of the employee is secured. However, a boring working environment and repeated procedure daily would be an issue for workers to concern. On the other hand, working in different organizations gives a chance to workers to discover or gain a suitable workplace, colleagues or team. It is also especially suitable for fresh graduate people who really want to look for a decent job after some trying with various employers. Anyway, there may be a drawback that management board will not consider these staffs for long term strategy. They might be put aside for any opportunity in career such as professional training or personal level adjustment because the management doesn’t want to waste for any human resources’ investment to staffs who just want to get a new job frequently. In conclusion, working with one company for life time or shifting careers to various companies all have advantages and disadvantages. These depend on the current status that employees can make up their mind to stay with the company or pursue other opportunities outside. In my opinion, I always look for stable status, such I prefer to work for one company if it is available.
It
is said
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should work for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for whole life whilst others believe that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their job
frequently
to work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both approaches have benefits and drawbacks, and I will outline in this essay.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a long time will
be justified
for promotion in corporate ladder
firstly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with the most experience and talent.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
always tend to value loyalty as the utmost importance criteria in their culture and business.
Therefore
, they
usually
reward loyal workers for their contribution such as long service award after 5, 10 or 15 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with GE corporate as an example.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
also
eager to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these talents as the invaluable assets from being brain-drain of peers which means the career of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is secured
.
However
, a boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment and repeated procedure daily would be an issue for workers to concern.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organizations gives a chance to workers to discover or gain a suitable workplace, colleagues or team. It is
also
especially
suitable for fresh graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
really
want to look for a decent job after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trying with various employers. Anyway, there may be a drawback that management board will not consider these staffs for long term strategy. They might
be put
aside for any opportunity in career such as professional training or personal level adjustment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the management doesn’t want to waste for any human resources’ investment to staffs who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a new job
frequently
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
or shifting careers to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
all have advantages and disadvantages. These depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
status that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their mind to stay with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or pursue other opportunities outside. In my opinion, I always look for stable status, such I prefer to work for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
if it is available.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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