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Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. v. 3
According to some people the decreasing of the number of crimes is a matter of higher prison sentences. However, others think that different strategies should be utilised. In my opinion, prisons only hide the problems of the society and I agree that has developed a crime reduction plan that are based in more prevention than punishment. Nowadays, the majority of criminals accept their reality as a profession, and passing time in a prison is an extension of their curriculum vitae for the criminal organisations. For example, in Colombia the 90 % of the prisons is full of recaptured criminals, and the 40 % had been caged a minimum of three times. Moreover, the law knowledge of those people transforms the justice system into their advantage. In contrast, countries like Japan or Denmark, that develop their justice system with the objective of built a greater society rather than a punishment had excellent results. For instance, if one person steals property, it should stay 1500 hours helping in an orphanage with foreing children that lost everything. Also, if someone is founded doing vandalism, it had to clean every public bathroom in the city, that policy reduced the crime in 70 % between 1950 to 2010. It is important to be clear that for dangerous criminals, as murderers, it exists prisons. In conclusion, the prisons had been transformed into a criminal positive pass, that is the reason why the changing mind activities over the punishment, are the solution to reduce crimes. It is recommended that, the justice collects innovative ideas, so the criminals think twice before a crime.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the decreasing of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is a matter of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the problems of the society and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that has developed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
reduction plan that
are based
in more prevention than punishment.

Nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
accept their reality as a profession, and passing time in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is an extension of their curriculum vitae for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
For example
, in Colombia the 90 % of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
is full of recaptured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, and the 40 % had
been caged
a minimum of three times.
Moreover
, the law knowledge of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
transforms the justice system into their advantage.

In contrast
, countries like Japan or Denmark, that develop their justice system with the objective of built a greater society
rather
than a punishment had excellent results.
For instance
, if one person steals property, it should stay 1500 hours helping in an orphanage with
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreing
children that lost everything.
Also
, if someone
is founded
doing vandalism, it had to clean every public bathroom in the city, that policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in 70 %
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1950 and 2010".
between 1950 to 2010
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, as murderers, it exists prisons.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
had
been transformed
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
pass,
that is
the reason why the changing mind activities over the punishment, are the solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. It
is recommended
that, the justice collects innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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