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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.29

Nowadays, Advertisement plays an important influential role among the public to purchase unnecessary itineraries while few denies that by saying, it helps us to live an easy life. I totally agree with the later point as it outweighs the other by providing the platform to compare various resources of one single product and also update us with latest technology. Firstly, As people are rushing their lives to live with the pace of the society, Ads help us to stay up-to-date with the technology launching everyday that can ease our stress in our daily lives. Recently, , many family's elderly persons has diabetes, irrespective of the place, people are coming forward to buy the lastest blood glucose monitor to check their sugar levels rather than visiting the laboratories. Thisis due to the widespread of the information about the product by any means of adverstiment like brouchres, billiboards, flyers and so on. Secondly, the people are aware of the various resources available to satisy their own basic need. For example, Toothpaste is one of our daily needs and there are many ayurvedically manufactured products available in the society that has been launched in the market. To analyse the product features with the chemical ones, Ads pave a way to get a knowledge of the product; s benefits and side effects. Hence, helps to pick the best one for an individual. To sum up, from basic to leisure life, advertisement plays an essential role among the population to have relative idea about the product and its the individual's mindset that decides the purchase of every product.
Nowadays, Advertisement plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influential role among the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unnecessary itineraries while few denies that by saying, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an easy life. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later point as it outweighs the other by providing the platform to compare various resources of one single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
also
update us with
A determiner is probably missing here: “the latest”.
latest
technology.

Firstly
, As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are rushing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with the pace of the society, Ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to stay up-to-date with the technology launching
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Recently,
Two consecutive commas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of ‘family’.
family's
elderly persons has diabetes, irrespective of the place,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are coming forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lastest
blood glucose monitor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their sugar levels
rather
than visiting the laboratories.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thisis
due to the
Did you mean the noun “wide spread” (spelled as two words)?
widespread
of the information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
by any means of
Possible spelling mistake found.
adverstiment
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
brouchres
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
billiboards
, flyers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware of the various resources available to
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
basic need.
For example
, Toothpaste is one of our daily needs and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
ayurvedically
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available in the society that has
been launched
in the market. To
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analyse’ is British English.
analyse
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
features with the chemical ones, Ads pave a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
; s benefits and side effects.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to pick the best one for an individual.

To sum up, from basic to leisure life, advertisement plays an essential role among the population to have relative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
Did you mean “it’s” (short for ‘it is’) instead of ‘its’ (possessive pronoun)?
its
the individual's mindset that decides the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
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He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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