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Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.6

The most obvious fruitful for side of sending old family members to Care homes is that it mainly focused on proper care. In other words senior citizens cannot take only quality food, medical treatment on time, but this nursing homes also provide them a source of entertainment like televisions, soft Music and so on. Asa result they become familiar with these old age homes. In addition to this, another pros for family is that they can do any work without restrictions. It is to say that it is Ivy table that mostly and her family members stop and give advice at every matter to other members of family and maybe they seem elders obstacles. Resulting, other members can get freedom. On the gloomy side of the situation these nursing homes probably quite expensive. To justify, including food cost, medical cost, cloth cost and other expenses of Care, to sum all of them it is not a good deal of benefit. Because undoubtedly it leads in soaring of monthly charges which will be paid by elder's family due to which family can become financially weak. Moreover, it is ignorable that nowadays both parents do work and because of that they become unable to teach their young ones moral values. So, at this stage only elder members of family can help them. Eventually in the absence of good talks about society or good morals, kids become unpredictably mysterious and can face personality disorders in the future. To encapsulate, it is not good to put elders in old age care, in fact we have to take care of them in proper manner at home. It will be beneficial for people as well as their off springs.
The most obvious fruitful for side of sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Care
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homes
is that it
mainly
focused on proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words senior citizens cannot take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
quality food, medical treatment on time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
also
provide them a source of entertainment like televisions, soft Music and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asa
result they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
In addition
to this, another pros for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is that they can do any work without restrictions. It is to say that it is Ivy table that
mostly
and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and give advice at every matter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
maybe they seem elders obstacles. Resulting,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freedom.

On the gloomy side of the situation these nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
probably
quite expensive. To justify, including food cost, medical cost, cloth cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Care
, to sum all of them it is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
deal of benefit.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
undoubtedly
it leads in soaring of monthly charges which will
be paid
by elder's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
financially
weak.
Moreover
, it is ignorable that nowadays both parents do work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
unable to teach their young ones moral values.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at this stage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
Eventually
in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
talks about society or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
morals, kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
unpredictably
mysterious and can face personality disorders in the future.

To encapsulate, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to put elders in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, in fact we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them in proper manner at home. It will be beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as their off springs.
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He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes but are the advantages and disadvantages of this Trend.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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