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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.21

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 21
It is argued that advertisement incentivates -> incentives superfluous purchases, while some individuals advocate that advertising informs the population about fresh items released in the market, which can make our lives easier. From my perspective, I completely agree with the first point-of-view. To begin with, the main goal of the advertisement is to sell goods, no matter if the buyer needs the product or not, due to how the market works, therefore, if a industry -> an industry has developed a product, the next step in the natural process of the market is to advertise it in order to sell it. For instance, a survey last year indicated that 85% of the items which were announced during The Bachelor show had an increase in the purchases. Apart from that, nowadays, a myriad of people just buy goods apparently with -> for no reason, given that they are wealthy and consequently they feel they must have the latest car or yatch -> yacht. Furthermore, the advertisement industry invests tremendous amont -> amount of money in surveys to understand the human mind, since they want to choose the best way to catch people’s attention and, as a consequence, sell more. For example, a recent study found that marketing industry investments in targeting children’s audience have never been so high, as they really promote great sellings. In addition, the society today seems to overvalue money, because success is not who you are, but how much you earn, therefore an individual is not educated to buy only what he or she needs, but to buy things they do not need and show off what they bought. To conclude, in my opinion, I do believe that advertising encourages people to buy products they do not need.
It
is argued
that advertisement
Possible spelling mistake found.
incentivates
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
incentives superfluous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals advocate that advertising informs the population about fresh items released in the market, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier. From my perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
point-of-view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main goal of the advertisement is to sell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, no matter if the buyer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
the product or not, due to how the market works,
therefore
, if
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
has developed a product, the
next
step in the natural process of the market is to advertise it in order to sell it.
For instance
, a survey last year indicated that 85% of the items which
were announced
during The Bachelor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
had an increase in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
. Apart from that, nowadays, a myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
apparently
with
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
for no reason,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that they are wealthy and
consequently
they feel they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the latest car or
Possible spelling mistake found.
yatch
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
yacht.

Furthermore
, the advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
invests tremendous
Possible spelling mistake found.
amont
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
amount of money in surveys to understand the human mind, since they want to choose the best way to catch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s attention and, as a consequence, sell more.
For example
, a recent study found that marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
investments in targeting children’s audience have never been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high, as they
really
promote great
Possible spelling mistake found.
sellings
.
In addition
, the society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
seems to overvalue money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
success is not who you are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how much you earn,
therefore
an individual is not educated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
what he or she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.

To conclude
, in my opinion, I do believe that advertising encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
products they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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