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Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v.5

Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v. 5
Day by day Technology is increasing and People are showing so much interest in the online shopping. Due to the development of the internet people are willing to buy things in online better than going outside, They feel very comfortable Because of this vendor are facing serious issues and causing lack of unemployment. Let's discuss how it will affect the environment and come to a conclusion. Firstly, People is exhausted with their Jobs. They are not ready to go outside and but stuff what they need. It determines the disaster for an outlet. Online shopping also offering the more offers compared to shopkeepers during the sales it is also may be the case to attract customers. For instance People are allowing themselves to be free on weekends and spend time with family and the rest of the day they are busy with the office work. If they need anything to buy within one click they can get that product within the day they no need go outside. By this people are getting very lazy and there might be a chance they will may face obesity problem lack of exercise. People should go outside and buy the things which helps vendors to gain some money there is chance of decrease in poverty. Secondly, The most important thing because of online shopping people are not getting expected money from the customers. Due to this, stores can not able to afford the people for the work and there might be chance to shut down their outlets. For example In a mall there a ten people are working if the purchaser ready to buy the things what they need they it seems to be profit and hire new people However in this case if buyer ready to buy in online then mall will get huge loss and they are not able to give salaries to the workers. Clearly, Impending days there will be a lack of employment. Its totally impact on our environment and we do not get proper resources. In addition to this there will be a decrease in our economy. In conclusion, In our society people are more educated. They should be aware of our economy. All the things should not buy in online they have to prefer outside market to. Buying in the market which provides a benefit to the sellers. It almost provide the job to other people if purchases are more coming. By this there will be no unemployment and everyone will get a job easily.
Day by day Technology is increasing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are showing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping. Due to the development of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
better than going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
, They feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable
Because of this
vendor are facing serious issues and causing lack of unemployment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss how it will affect the environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a conclusion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
exhausted with their Jobs. They are not ready to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
stuff what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. It determines the disaster for an outlet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
shopping
also
offering the more offers compared to shopkeepers during the sales it is
also
may be the case to attract customers.
For instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are allowing themselves to be free on weekends and spend time with family and the rest of the day they are busy with the office work.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
anything to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
within one click they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that product within the day they no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
. By this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lazy and there might be a chance they
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "will, may", "will" or "may"?
will may
face obesity problem lack of exercise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
vendors to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money there is chance of decrease in poverty.

Secondly
, The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
money from the customers. Due to this, stores can not able to afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the work and there might be chance to shut down their outlets.
For example
In a mall there a ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working if the purchaser ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
they it
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "seem"
seems
to be profit and hire new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
However
in this case
if buyer ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
then mall will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
huge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
loss and
they are not able to give salaries to the workers.
Clearly
, Impending days there will be a lack of employment. Its
totally
impact on our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
environment and
we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper resources.
In addition
to this there will be a decrease in our economy.

In conclusion
, In our society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more educated. They should be aware of our economy. All the things should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
market to. Buying in the market which provides a benefit to the sellers. It almost
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
the job to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
are more coming. By this there will be no unemployment and everyone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
easily
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people, who lost their jobs because of it. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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