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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v.17

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 17
Many people believe that advertisements are tricky as they provoke you to buy things which are no use to you, while some of them feel that they provide information about latest products and innovations which might be useful in transforming their lives. In my opinion, I consider that advertisements do help us to showcase products that might come in handy. To begin with, there are a lot of products out there in the market and every now and then something new comes up. These products come into the knowledge of people through different forms of advertisements such as newspapers, television commercials, hoardings, pamphlets, etc. Most people go through these and feel the need to buy something even though they don’t need it, because they may find the content of the ad much appealing or because of the discount they get. On the other hand, advertisements do help out many people to purchase stuff which might turn out to be quite fruitful and change their lives for the better. For example: considering a person who needs to visit the diagnostic centre every time he needs a diabetic test doesn’t need to go now as he can do it at home with a simple machine which he bought by seeing an advertisement. To conclude, people sometimes may fall prone to a well presented advertisement. But mostly these ads give out information about every product that gets launched and some of which can change a person’s life in ways one can only imagine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are tricky as they provoke you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things which are no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to you, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them feel that they provide information about
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and innovations which might be useful in transforming their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to showcase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
out there in the market and every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then something new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
such as newspapers, television commercials, hoardings, pamphlets, etc. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go through these and feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something
even though
they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may find the content of the ad much appealing or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the discount they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
stuff which might turn out to be quite fruitful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
for the better.
For example
: considering a person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to visit the diagnostic
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
every time he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a diabetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
doesn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to go
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
as he can do it at home with a simple machine which he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by seeing an advertisement.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may fall prone to a well presented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
mostly
these ads give out information about every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
launched and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a person’s life in ways one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
imagine.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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