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TOPIC: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why it happened? Solutions? v.1

TOPIC: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why it happened? Solutions? v. 1
It is identified that lots of ex-prisoners carry on breaking laws after going to a jail the first time. There are several reasons can be put forward to explain this phenomenon, and many solutions should be proposed to constrain these issues. There are two primary reasons why ex-convicts would commit again after being imprisoned. One reason is that it is started by poverty and unemployment after serving the punishment because many employees take them into consideration that it’s so hard to let them start working perhaps such people are afraid that these prisoners may go back the previous road and turn to crime. Besides, a lot of people still have a misconception about them so they are able to be isolated out of society. They will not have the chance of integrating with other people so they don’t have the capability to find a job which causes they can’t afford the basic necessities of life. Another reason is that they prone to stimulate offending more times by bad individuals who drag them to continue making a mistake. However, measures must be taken by the government and everyone to change this problem. First, government increase the opportunity to transcend barriers to public and live in harmony with everyone such as authority figures can take them to school or college to talk to individuals especially teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime and what the life in prison going on? in order to decrease the number of criminals. Therefore, it can dispel the misconceptions about them. Secondly, the lawbreakers must have self-conscious to avoiding committing again and obeying the bad instigation. In conclusion, there are many prisoners continue committing after being imprisoned is a serious concern of everyone but if we work together, we can address this problem bet
It
is identified
that lots of ex-prisoners carry on breaking laws after going to a jail the
first
time. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
can
be put
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this phenomenon, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions should
be proposed
to constrain these issues.

There are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why ex-convicts would commit again after
being imprisoned
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by poverty and unemployment after serving the punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees take them into consideration that it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working perhaps such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are afraid that these prisoners may go back the previous road and turn to crime.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
have a misconception about them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are able to
be isolated
out of society. They will not have the chance of integrating with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t have the capability to find a job which causes they can’t afford the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that they prone to stimulate offending more times by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
individuals who drag them to continue making a mistake.

However
, measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this problem.
First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
increase the opportunity to transcend barriers to public and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with everyone such as authority figures can take them to school or college to talk to individuals
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing a crime and what the life in prison going on?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
order to decrease the number of criminals.
Therefore
, it can dispel the misconceptions about them.
Secondly
, the lawbreakers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have self-conscious to avoiding committing again and obeying the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
instigation.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prisoners continue committing after
being imprisoned
is a serious concern of everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we work together, we can address this problem bet
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why it happened? Solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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