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Some people say that advertisement encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which do you agree? v.2

Some people say that advertisement encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which do you agree? v. 2
Whether advertisements encourage people to buy unnecessary things or help them to improve their lives has always been a topic of intense discussion. Although it can never be denied that commercials often leads to overspending however in my opinion adverts on the other hand impart knowledge in consumers regarding the benefits of a product and its impact on their lives. In the below paragraphs I will present some examples in support of my opinion. To begin with most of the companies nowadays use adverts to showcase the benefits of their new products. For instance electronic appliances like rice cookers can cook rice in few minutes thus reducing the use of conventional gas stoves and saving a lot of time which can be used by individuals for leisure activities. Similarly advert of microwave showing how efficient and multifunctional it can be when compared to traditional gas stove is alluring people as it can save a lot of time which can be used for other activities. Additionally adverts provide a right comparison between competitive products thus making buying choice of an individual easy. Hence it is would be right to say that advertisement on new products is helping people to improve their daily lives. On the contrary it is also said that adverts allure people in buying unnecessary items. While this may not be entirely true for most of the people, as per the recent survey done British leading newspaper times global it was mentioned only 7 percent of people in United Kingdom would overspend on buying items which they really don’t need. To conclude the benefits of commercials on new products far outweigh the disadvantages therefore it would be rightful to say that such a practice will only benefit us in the longer run.
Whether advertisements encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary things or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has always been a topic of intense discussion. Although it can never
be denied
that commercials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to overspending
however
in my opinion adverts
on the other hand
impart knowledge in consumers regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and its impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In the below paragraphs I will present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples in support of my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
adverts to showcase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
electronic appliances like rice cookers can cook rice in few minutes
thus
reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of conventional gas stoves and saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by individuals for leisure activities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
advert of microwave showing how efficient and multifunctional it can be when compared to traditional gas stove is alluring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other activities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
adverts provide a right comparison between competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
thus
making buying choice of an individual easy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is would be right to say that advertisement on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the contrary
it is
also
said that adverts allure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in buying unnecessary items. While this may not be
entirely
true for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as per the recent survey done British leading newspaper times global it
was mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
would overspend on buying items which they
really
don’t need.

To conclude
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of commercials on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
far outweigh the disadvantages
therefore
it would be rightful to say that such a practice will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
us in the longer run.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Some people say that advertisement encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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