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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view do you agree or disagree? v.38

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view v. 38
In this day and age, advertisement is a key part of modern business. According to some people, advertisements inform us about those new products that develop our life style. However, I strongly agree with the idea that, advertising manipulates people to consume products which are not necessary for us. Some people believe that, the aim of adverts to persuade people buying a thing will make them happier. Apparently, this encourages us to buy those products which we do not use in our daily life. For example, people who work for a company to promote products, are tending to tell customers about the advantages, and try to convince to buy it. In that situation, the consumer decide to purchase it, but later they realise that they wasted money. Furthermore, showing adverts not only manipulate elder people, but also influence the children to take things. Consequently, children put pressure on parents to buy them things. Other people think that, companies need to tell customers about new products, therefore, they can improve their lives. What is more, advertisement firm is a creative industry that employs many people. Without it there would be a higher unemployment in a country. For instance, models are involved in promoting things, and this field fills up many opportunities for people. As we know that, many people are involved in this profession. In conclusion, we now live in a consumer culture, where, it creates demand for products. My opinion is that, we should not buy unnecessary stuffs which are not important in our lives
In this day and age, advertisement is a key part of modern business. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, advertisements inform us about those new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that develop our life style.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that, advertising manipulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are not necessary for us.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, the aim of adverts to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying a thing will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier.
Apparently
, this encourages us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily life.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, are tending to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
customers about the advantages, and try to convince to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it. In that situation, the consumer decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they wasted money.
Furthermore
, showing adverts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
manipulate elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
influence the children to take things.
Consequently
, children put pressure on parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them things.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
customers about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
What is more
, advertisement firm is a creative industry that employs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Without it there would be a higher unemployment in a country.
For instance
, models
are involved
in promoting things, and this field fills up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As we know that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in this profession.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a consumer culture, where, it creates demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. My opinion is that, we should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary stuffs which are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lives
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which view v. 38

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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