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Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and transportation facilities, people can work and live anywhere they want. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages: v.2

Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and transportation facilities, people can work and live anywhere they want. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages: v. 2
These days, the progressive development of internet, communication technologies and transportation facilities has profoundly influence on the way people live and work. This essay will discuss benefits and drawbacks resulting from such development before arriving at a reasonable conclusion. There are various reasons why development in communication technology and transportation is advantageous. First of all, people just need laptop and internet connection to work from home and they don’t need to suffer commuting for long hours to go office. Using the internet, they converse with colleagues and bosses to finish their work at home. Resultantly people can spend more time with the families and friends. For instance, the concept of work from home concept has gained popularity because of advancement in the telecommunication industry. Secondly, easy transportation has made possible for people to travel even to the remote area. They can also commute to and from work quickly and be back to home quickly. For example, Mumbai locals has made possible to reach a remote area like Ghansoli which is outside of the City center. Hence technological advancement and development in transportation brings numerous benefits such as convenience and easy approach to the remote area. On the other hand, such progression has many disadvantages. Firstly, by working at home people have no social life. They sit in their home complete their office work at home and spend time with families. Other than that they don’t have any social life, which affects their personality in the long run. Secondly, people becomes lazy as they rely on the vehicles to even nearby places. Due to this they not only becomes inactive but also invites many health issues for them. For instance, as per recent study by WHO, most of the unhealthy people falls under the category of being lazy. Hence the progression in technology and transportation attracts drawbacks such as poor health issues and underdeveloped personality. In conclusion, I believe there are more demerits than merits of progression in technology and transportation mediums. People should use these service to a limited extend and focus more on healthy living.
These days, the progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of internet, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities has
profoundly
influence on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay will discuss benefits and drawbacks resulting from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a reasonable conclusion.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is advantageous.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need laptop and internet connection to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they don’t need to suffer commuting for long hours to go office. Using the internet, they converse with colleagues and bosses to finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home.
Resultantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend more time with the families and friends.
For instance
, the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home concept has gained popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement in the telecommunication industry.
Secondly
, easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
has made possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel even to the remote area. They can
also
commute to and from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
quickly
and be back to home
quickly
.
For example
, Mumbai locals has made possible to reach a remote area like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghansoli
which is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the City center.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
technological advancement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
brings numerous benefits such as convenience and easy approach to the remote area.

On the other hand
, such progression has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
Firstly
, by working at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no social life. They sit in their home complete their office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home and spend time with families. Other than that they don’t have any social life, which affects their personality in the long run.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
becomes
lazy as they rely on the vehicles to even nearby places. Due to this they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
becomes inactive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
invites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health issues for them.
For instance
, as per recent study by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, most of the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
falls under the category of being lazy.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the progression in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
attracts drawbacks such as poor health issues and underdeveloped personality.

In conclusion
, I believe there are more demerits than merits of progression in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
mediums.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these service to a limited extend and focus more on healthy living.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and transportation facilities, people can work and live anywhere they want. Discuss its advantages and disadvantages: v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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