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Some people say that a person’s success is as a direct result of the way they were brought up by their parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that a person’s success is as a direct result of the way they were brought up by their parents. v. 1
The definition of the success varies from person to person. Although some people claim that an individual’s success is directly proportionate to their parent’s upbringing, I, however, disagree with this view for two reasons. The first reason why the achievement of success is not directly connected with the upbringing of guardian is due to trying multiple time till it is achieved. While it is argued that everyone in their life strives for having a success, I believe that most of them quit in the middle and often do not give the second chance to tasting it. Consider Elon Musk as an example, who has experienced the success by sending the rocket in the Mars at his tenth attempt despite having the failure several times. Thus, a person should not quit before achieving their goal. The talent with hard work in the life is another reason. Whereas I concede that many of them do the hard work to become successful one day in the future, I would argue that hard work will not pay off until an individual has the talent in that particular field. For example, if any industrialist compelled their child to become a businessman despite having the talent of singing, their continuous efforts in the business would not give fruitful results. Therefore, any person could get the success with their hard work if they worked in the field where their interest is. In short, not only does an individual get success in their life because of multiple try, but also choosing the right field with an attitude of hard work. Therefore, I strongly disagree with the view of those who connect the success with the nurture of the family.
The definition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
varies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
directly
proportionate to their parent’s upbringing, I,
however
, disagree with this view for two reasons.

The
first
reason why the achievement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not
directly
connected with the upbringing of guardian is due to trying multiple time till it
is achieved
. While it
is argued
that everyone in their life strives for having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, I believe that most of them quit in the middle and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not give the second chance to tasting it. Consider Elon Musk as an example, who has experienced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
by sending the rocket in the Mars at his tenth attempt despite having the failure several times.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should not quit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
achieving their goal.

The talent with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the life is another reason. Whereas I concede that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to become successful one day in the future, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will not pay off until an individual has the talent in that particular field.
For example
, if any industrialist compelled their child to become a businessman despite having the talent of singing, their continuous efforts in the business would not give fruitful results.
Therefore
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if they worked in the field where their interest is.

In short, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of multiple try,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
choosing the right field with an attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
disagree with the view of those who connect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
with the nurture of the family.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say that a person’s success is as a direct result of the way they were brought up by their parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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