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The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause? v.2

The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause? v. 2
The time people devote in job leaves very little time for personal life was always a debatable topic. Many people believe that this shortage of time leads to many family problems and damages human relationships. I personally believe that not giving enough time for personal life might lead to disputes between husband and wife. This essay would further elaborate the problems caused by giving little space for personal life with reasons and thus lead to a plausible conclusion. Firstly, due to high increase in the unemployment rate and tough competition for jobs, employees is trying their level best outputs to the company by working long hours in office. Spending long hours in office, pressure from managers and project deadlines created by clients are causing people to lose their personal space which indeed leading them to start ignoring personal lives. It creates disputes among families and between husband and spouse which might lead to divorce. For example, because of extreme pressure on employees to deliver the product on time will make them work on weekends and not providing enough time to their families. Secondly, increased standard of living, variations in lifestyles, project deadlines and competitive market can cause stress for the employees. For instance, recent studies conducted on software employees by the University of California showed that out of 100 employees 88 people are suffering from stress and depression because of the pressure. Furthermore, it is the responsibility of a company and managers to provide space between personal lives and professional careers. According to the arguments aforementioned, healthy balance between personal life and professional life is required to lead a prosperous life and further the organizations need to bring some policies that benefits employees to lead happy and spend good time with their families.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote in job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
was always a debatable topic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
family problems and damages human relationships. I
personally
believe that not giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to disputes between husband and wife. This essay would
further
elaborate the problems caused by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with reasons and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to a plausible conclusion.

Firstly
, due to high increase in the unemployment rate and tough competition for jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is trying their level best outputs to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
by working long hours in office. Spending long hours in office, pressure from managers and project deadlines created by clients are causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space which
indeed
leading them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
ignoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It creates disputes among families and between husband and spouse which might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to divorce.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extreme pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to deliver the product on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them work on weekends and not providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their families.

Secondly
, increased standard of living, variations in lifestyles, project deadlines and competitive market can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For instance
, recent studies conducted on software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by the University of California
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
88
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pressure.
Furthermore
, it is the responsibility of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and managers to provide space between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and professional careers.

According to the arguments aforementioned, healthy balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
further
the organizations need to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policies that benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
happy and spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The time people devote to the job leaves very little time for personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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