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Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there more important priorities for the tax-payers’ money. Discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there more important priorities for the tax-payers’ money. v. 1
People have differing views when talking about what is best for the people’s money. While others think that health care should be the utmost priority and therefore the budget allotted should be increased, in my view, I personally believe that balancing the allocated budget among other sectors such as education, employment, safety and security are necessary. On the one hand, I understand the people who agree on the given suggestion. Firstly, the health care these days almost cost people an arm and leg which makes it hard to access good health assistance. As a result, some individuals looked for alternative medicine which is a lot cheaper; however, it does not have proven therapeutic claims, unlikely sometimes; caused worsening of their health condition. Another reason is that, some remote areas still do not have decent hospitals. To illustrate, some of our fellow citizen risked the life of their loved ones or family traveling long distance in nearby cities to look for better treatment. Be that as it may, I believe that the national budget should be distributed evenly among other industries that are equally important. First of all, education should be one of the primary concerns. For instance, by giving awareness and knowledge to people, most of these diseases can be prevented. Secondly, employment should not be overlooked. If people have source of income they can afford quality medical assistance. Finally, safety should not be left out of the context. Because of the proliferation of crimes these days, the security should be doubled and the officials should intensify their move to fight these law offenders. All of these will be needing budget to be done effectively. In general, although I do not refute the idea of allocating tax money on the health care, I still believe that other sectors; education, employment, safety and security need an equal budget.
People
have differing views when talking about what is best for the
people’s
money. While others
think
that
health
care should be the utmost priority and
therefore
the
budget
allotted should
be increased
, in my view, I
personally
believe that balancing the allocated
budget
among
other
sectors such as education, employment, safety and security are necessary.

On the one hand, I understand the
people
who
agree
on the
given
suggestion.
Firstly
, the
health
care these days almost cost
people
an arm and leg which
makes
it
hard
to access
good
health
assistance.
As a result
,
some
individuals looked for alternative medicine which is a lot cheaper;
however
, it does not have proven therapeutic claims, unlikely
sometimes
; caused worsening of their
health
condition. Another reason is that,
some
remote areas
still
do not have decent hospitals. To illustrate,
some
of our fellow citizen risked the life of their
loved
ones or family traveling long distance in nearby cities to look for better treatment.

Be that as it may, I believe that the national
budget
should
be distributed
evenly
among
other
industries that are
equally
important
.
First of all
, education should be one of the primary concerns.
For instance
, by giving awareness and knowledge to
people
, most of these diseases can be
prevented
.
Secondly
, employment should not
be overlooked
.
If
people
have source of income they can afford quality medical assistance.
Finally
, safety should not be
left
out of the context.
Because
of the proliferation of crimes these days, the security should
be doubled
and the officials should intensify their
move
to fight these law offenders. All of these will
be needing
budget
to
be done
effectively
.

In general
, although I do not refute the
idea
of allocating tax money on the
health
care, I
still
believe that
other
sectors; education, employment, safety and security need an equal
budget
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there more important priorities for the tax-payers’ money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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