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Some people say government should give the health care the first priority, some other believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people say government should give the health care the first priority, some other believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. v. 2
People hold the different views whether the national authorities should allocate the state budget on healthcare service or other priorities to comfort the citizens’ lives. Both sides of the argument will be discussed in this essay. It is undeniable that providing free medical services from the government is a must as its necessity to reduce the burden for the country’s residents. Coping with the fast-paced life, many people suffer from some certain diseases caused from the workplace and lifestyle. This leads to a great amount of money spent on medicine and medical treatment. For instance, an increasing number of patients need the medical care to treat the stress from work in the UK, therefore, National Health Care Service has been established to provide them free-of-charge healthcare. There are, in fact, other social issues needed to take into account, and schooling is one of them. If the state could provide a free access to education, the people would have a better chance to facilitate their future with a good career prospect and the country itself could minimize the illiteracy. Many researchers have proven that the country, which has a well-trained labor force, has had the high standard of living, and therefore, been prosperous. Take Vietnam is as an example for this, although studying is not free but affordable, many Vietnamese graduates now can join in a multinational companies to earn their livings with higher wages. It is not exaggerate to say Vietnam has become a good nation to live and work both locals and expats recent years. To sum up, receiving healthcare support from the government is the ultimate priority as the benefits it brings, but in my point of view, the country should balance its budget between medical care and education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views whether the national authorities should allocate the state budget on healthcare service or other priorities to comfort the citizens’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Both sides of the argument will
be discussed
in this essay.

It is undeniable that providing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
as its necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
residents. Coping with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain diseases caused from the workplace and lifestyle. This leads to a great amount of money spent on medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment.
For instance
, an increasing number of patients need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care to treat the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from work in the UK,
therefore
, National Health Care Service has
been established
to provide them free-of-charge healthcare.

There are, in fact, other social issues needed to take into account, and schooling is one of them. If the state could provide
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "free access".
a free access
to education, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have a better chance to facilitate their future with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career prospect and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself could minimize the illiteracy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
researchers have proven that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which has a well-trained labor force, has had the high standard of living, and
therefore
, been prosperous. Take Vietnam is as an example for this, although studying is not free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
affordable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Vietnamese graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to earn their livings with higher wages. It is not
Consider using a past participle here: "exaggerated".
exaggerate
to say Vietnam has become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work both locals and expats recent years.

To sum up, receiving healthcare support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is the ultimate priority as the benefits it brings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should balance its budget between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care and education.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people say government should give the health care the first priority, some other believe there are more important priorities to spend the tax payers’ money. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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