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Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. v. 1
We are living in a complex world and dealing with a various types of people. Indeed, the family methods of raising their children have a significant impact on their life. I totally agree with this argument as children are always inspired by their parents and keep on with their ambition. This essay will explain how parents inspire their children and how it affects their future. Firstly, parents are responsible to grow confidence in their kids through different ways. Confidence is the most important thing young people needs, it is the quality that they need to face the most challenging troubles and situations in life. Moreover, children who acquire confidence since childhood they tend to be more independent and decision makers. How do parents raise a confident child? For instance, encouraging them to play sports, the other way is not to punish them if they mistake and to explain to them, that they need to learn from these mistakes. Therefore, family have an important role in raising a confident generation. Furthermore, leading by example is one of the best ways of teaching. The younger generation will always follow their model, either it is a good model or bad, so it is important to be the right model for your children so they will follow you. For example, if they saw you helping old people, they will do the same, and if they realize that you are professional in your work, they will pursue the best in their career. Thus, parents should be a good example and try to influence their children by action more than words. In conclusion, parent's actions and raising ways affect directly the children's success in their future and careers. That's why I completely agree with the argument mentioned that parents have a big influence on kid's future. I recommend that parents become a good master, so children will have a good mentor.
We are living in a complex world and dealing with a various
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "type"?
types
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Indeed
, the family methods of raising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a significant impact on their life. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are always inspired by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on with their ambition. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
inspire their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and how it affects their future.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible to grow confidence in their kids through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. Confidence is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
, it is the quality that they need to face the most challenging troubles and situations in life.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who acquire confidence since childhood they tend to be more independent and decision makers. How do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
raise a confident child?
For instance
, encouraging them to play sports, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
is not to punish them if they mistake and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to them, that they need to learn from these mistakes.
Therefore
, family have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in raising a confident generation.

Furthermore
, leading by example is one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of teaching. The younger generation will always follow their model, either it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
model or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be the right model for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will follow you.
For example
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
you helping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they will do the same, and if they realize that you are professional in your work, they will pursue the best in their career.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example and try to influence their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by action more than words.

In conclusion
, parent's actions and raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
affect
directly
the children's success in their future and careers. That's why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument mentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on kid's future. I recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
master,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mentor.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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