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People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. v. 2
These days, several people flock to foreign countries, compelling themselves to leave their home countries only for a better lifestyle, complete further education or improvised standard of living. While several people support that the expatriates should follow only overseas customs and traditions, I somewhat agree to view because people should follow both countries’ cultural practices simultaneously to improve relationships, maintain and protect local culture, educate next generations and increase social connections. Proponents of following the other countries’ customs and tradition have a couple of strong reasons for their opinion. Firstly, they believe that this will help visitors or migrants to acclimatize to local environmental conditions. For example, people travelling to European regions from tropical regions should wear the attire that suits the climatic condition to protect themselves from extreme temperatures. This will limit people from wearing their traditional clothing. Secondly, it is important to understand and reflect the differences in cultures to improve the relationship between diverse communities. If people learn and embrace the foreign countries’ traditions, then they could get a chance to comprehend their value and reflect them with their own. However, this should not happen at the cost of sacrificing own cultural practices. Many argue that it is extremely imperative to protect the identity and the shrinking of local customs and traditions. This is because many cultures are on the brink of extinction as several people migrate only to lead a western lifestyle and practice the western values. Moreover, the expatriates, who live and work overseas, should instil the family customs and traditions among their scion who takes birth overseas. It is important to educate them about the origin of the family and its culture. Furthermore, many communities can increase social connectivity too. For instance, the Indians living overseas celebrate festivals and other cultural occasions together with their community members which are one way to overcome the feeling of isolation. In conclusion, I have a partial agreement towards following of destination country’s customs. In my view, a person should not just follow the new countries' culture, but also follows his or her own country of origin’s traditions.
These days, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
flock to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, compelling themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a better lifestyle, complete
further
education or improvised standard of living. While several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
support that the expatriates should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
cultural practices
simultaneously
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
relationships, maintain and protect local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, educate
next
generations and increase social connections.

Proponents of following the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
have a couple of strong reasons for their opinion.
Firstly
, they believe that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
visitors or migrants to acclimatize to local environmental conditions.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling to European regions from tropical regions should wear the attire that suits the climatic condition to protect themselves from extreme temperatures. This will limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from wearing their traditional clothing.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand and reflect the differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relationship between diverse communities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn and embrace the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, then they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to comprehend their value and reflect them with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
However
, this should not happen at the cost of sacrificing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural practices.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that it is
extremely
imperative to protect the identity and the shrinking of local customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are on the brink of extinction as several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to lead a western lifestyle and practice the western values.
Moreover
, the expatriates, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
, should
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
the family customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
among their scion who takes birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate them about the origin of the family and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities can increase social connectivity too.
For instance
, the Indians living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
celebrate festivals and other cultural occasions together with their community members which are one way to overcome the feeling of isolation.

In conclusion
, I have a partial agreement towards following of destination
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
customs. In my view, a person should not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the new countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of origin’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People who go to live in other countries, should follow the customs and traditions of the new country. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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