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In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v.4

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v. 4
Education is the fundamental building block for children’s development, and the growth of students is very much dependent on the way of coaching. Some prefer educating students at home while others think it is necessary for children to attend schools. However, I am in favour of regular schooling because it is more beneficial for their overall development and prepares them for their future. On the one hand, there are groups of people who consider homeschooling has many benefits for the child’s growth. For instance, a student studying at home can get personal attention from parents, which result in good academic results. Furthermore, parents are aware of their child’s weakness and can help him to cope with difficulties. Thus, it can be said that children can learn their subjects at the pace in which they are comfortable, and this can help them to excel in studies. On the other hand, many consider schools as the required element in student growth. Educational institutions, for example, concentrate on teaching moral values like tolerance and sharing along with studies. Moreover, children are encouraged to perform tasks in a team, enabling them to learn teamwork and not to dishearten by failure. Therefore, the chances of suffering from depression are reduced to a greater extent in case he doesn’t get what he desired in the real world. Finally, school can provide a wide range of up to date educational resources, and well-trained teachers can guarantee the high quality of education. In conclusion, it can be seen that both the viewpoints have their own merits. Nevertheless, I tend to believe that in order to sustain in the actual world, students should be motivated to get educated in institutions rather than learning alone at home. It is thus hoped that the government will enforce strict laws for attendance in school compulsory.
Education is the fundamental building block for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development, and the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much dependent on the way of coaching.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
prefer educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at home while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of regular schooling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more beneficial for their
overall
development and prepares them for their future.

On the one hand, there are groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consider homeschooling has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the child’s growth.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
studying at home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
personal attention from parents, which result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic results.
Furthermore
, parents are aware of their child’s weakness and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to cope with difficulties.
Thus
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn their subjects at the pace in which they are comfortable, and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to excel in studies.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as the required element in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
growth. Educational institutions,
for example
, concentrate on teaching moral values like tolerance and sharing along with studies.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
to perform tasks in a team, enabling them to learn teamwork and not to dishearten by failure.
Therefore
, the chances of suffering from depression are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a greater extent in case he doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what he desired in the real world.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can provide a wide range of up to date educational resources, and well-trained teachers can guarantee the high quality of education.

In conclusion
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that both the viewpoints have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits.
Nevertheless
, I tend to believe that in order to sustain in the actual world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated in institutions
rather
than learning alone at home. It is
thus
hoped that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will enforce strict laws for attendance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
compulsory.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this overweight the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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