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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online. v. 23
The number of people buying products online is rising. The advantages of this practice among both companies and customers can be obviously found, specifically in a large busy city. Meanwhile, some companies and customers think it causes a negative impact on themselves too. In my essay, these two views will be discussed. On one hand, shopping online is considered to be an effective and convenient way for people to manage their time while they are living busy lives. For example, my university friend’s father is a doctor and he always finishes his work after the closing time of a supermarket so he decided to buy products he needs in daily life, such as shampoo, instant food online. For companies, selling products online can help them develop their product since they can access the need of customers by considering their reviews on the product. Currently, a number of official brand websites provide a comment or review box under the product details so that customers who bought the product can share their opinion on it. Through looking at comments from customers, companies can easily improve their product quality, thus increase customer needs for their product. On the other hand, buying good online is likely to be risky for individuals because they cannot know the condition of the good while it is being shipped. To illustrate, when I read comments written by buyers on the shopping online website, I saw many comments complaining that the product was in a poor condition because it was not rapped properly. Meanwhile, companies may face difficulty selling their good to people who do not primarily use the Internet. For example, companies selling energy drinks, whose targeted customer is people working for building construction, might lose their profit if they sell their product online rather than in convenience stores.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is rising. The advantages of this practice among both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can be
obviously
found,
specifically
in a large busy city. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it causes a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on themselves too. In my essay, these two views will
be discussed
.

On one hand, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is considered
to be an effective and convenient way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to manage their time while they are living busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, my university friend’s father is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctor and
he always finishes his work after the closing time of a supermarket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
he needs in daily life, such as shampoo, instant food online.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
since they can access the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
by considering their reviews on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
Currently
, a number of official brand websites provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comment
or review box under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
can share their opinion on it. Through looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comments
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
quality,
thus
increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
needs for their product.

On the other hand
, buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is likely to be risky for individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot know the condition of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while it is
being shipped
. To illustrate, when I read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comments
written by buyers on the shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
website, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comments
complaining that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
was in a poor condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was not rapped
properly
.

Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
may face difficulty selling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
selling energy drinks, whose targeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working for building construction, might lose their profit if they sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
than in convenience stores.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people are buying what they need online What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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