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Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 1
Physical exercise is the key to health. People have different ways of training from heavyweight’s workout to running. It is argued by some people that the most effective way to encourage adults to do exercise is showing sporting programs on television, such as Olympics and cricket. However, I believe that spreading awareness about the benefits of exercising on one's health also plays an important role to promote people towards physical exercise. On the one hand, watching sporting competitions on television, like cricket and Olympics, exhibiting extreme training is a good way to encourage adults to do exercise. Furthermore, sportsmen are one of the fittest in the world that can be a great source of inspiration for adults to follow and exercise. In addition, these players are involved in their respective sport for hours without taking a break, exhibiting the amount of physical fitness they have gained from the game. For example, the lifestyle of number one batsman, Virat Kohli, is a role model for hundreds of adults aspiring to be fit in India. On the other hand, there are people who believe that an excellent way to incline adults towards exercise is educating them about its benefits. Firstly, obesity, a major cause of serious diseases, such as high blood pressure and diabetes, can be solved through rigorous training. Secondly, daily physical training increases your energy level and improves brain function and memory, resulting in increased work productivity. For instance, one study found that regular exercise for six weeks reduced the feelings of fatigue for people who had reported persistent tiredness. To conclude, although watching sports is an effective way of promoting exercise, I think that enlightening adults about its significance on one's health to encourage physical training.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the key to health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
from heavyweight’s workout to running. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the most effective way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is showing sporting programs on television, such as Olympics and cricket.
However
, I believe that spreading awareness about the benefits of exercising on one's health
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise.

On the one hand, watching sporting competitions on television, like cricket and Olympics, exhibiting extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Furthermore
, sportsmen are one of the fittest in the world that can be a great source of inspiration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to follow and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
In addition
, these players
are involved
in their respective sport for hours without taking a break, exhibiting the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness they have gained from the game.
For example
, the lifestyle of number one batsman,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
, is a role model for hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
aspiring to
be fit
in India.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that an excellent way to incline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is educating them about its benefits.
Firstly
, obesity, a major cause of serious diseases, such as high blood pressure and diabetes, can
be solved
through rigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
Secondly
, daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
increases your energy level and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
brain function and memory, resulting in increased work productivity.
For instance
, one study found that regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for six weeks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the feelings of fatigue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had reported persistent tiredness.

To conclude
, although watching sports is an effective way of promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enlightening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
about its significance on one's health to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say showing program such as Olympics, cricket on television is the best way to encourage adults to do exercise. Some say that there are some other ways to encourage adults for exercise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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