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Adults do very less Exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on television such as Olympics and world cup tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise, others believe there are other effective ways to do so. Discuss both views and state your opinion v.1

Adults do very less Exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on television such as Olympics and world cup tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise, others believe there are other effective ways to do so. 1
Exercise plays a prominent role in leading a healthy life. Kids and teenagers have abundance of time to maintain their fitness and stay healthy. On the contrary, adults utilise most of time to work, rather than spending time for fitness. Sporting events like the Olympics and tournaments on television will encourage adults to do exercise to some extent. Not only the events on television, but also there are many effective ways to do so. This essay is regarding both the sides. I opine the sport events more, when compared to other ways. The reason why sporting events can be the best way to encourage adults is, in most of the cases after returning from work they relax watching movies, news and sports. Moreover, this works only if an adult watch sports. Every nine out of ten are watching at least a sport. So, this would be a great initiative to encourage the adults. For example, Sachin Tendulakar is one of the favourites for most of the people. He always stays fit and healthy. One of my friends' fathers always tries to be one as Sachin Tendulkar. Not only sports but also many movies and programs can inspire the masses. Encouragement can also be done in numerous ways, apart from the sporting events. Conducting running programmes, cycling trips, are some of the best ways to bring awareness among the people. Cycling trips with certain distance as a target, and achieving it with many people who show interest of staying fit and healthy plays a vital role. After analysing both points of view, there are many ways to procure the awareness, but one of the best ways is sporting events. I prefer this because of the reasons stated in the above paragraphs. Above all, this will enable people to comprehend the significance of exercise.
Exercise plays a prominent role in leading a healthy life. Kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have abundance of time to maintain their fitness and stay healthy.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
Consider using "most time" or "most of the time".
most of time
to work,
rather
than spending time for fitness. Sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympics and tournaments on television will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to do exercise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on television,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay is regarding both the sides. I opine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
more, when compared to other ways.

The reason why sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is, in most of the cases after returning from work they relax watching movies, news and sports.

Moreover
, this works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if an adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Every nine out of ten are watching at least a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this would be a great initiative to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulakar
is one of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourites' is British English.
favourites
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. He always stays fit and healthy. One of my friends' fathers always tries to be one as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
movies and programs can inspire the masses. Encouragement can
also
be done
in numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
, apart from the sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Conducting running
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, cycling trips, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to bring awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Cycling trips with certain distance as a target, and achieving it with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest of staying fit and healthy plays a vital role.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both points of view, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to procure the awareness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
is sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I prefer this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons stated in the above paragraphs.
Above all
, this will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to comprehend the significance of exercise.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Adults do very less Exercise these days. Some people think that showing sporting events on television such as Olympics and world cup tournaments can be the best way to encourage adults to do exercise, others believe there are other effective ways to do so. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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