Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. v. 1
Leading busy in work adults often tend to find it difficult to do exercise on a daily basis. While some think that depicting international sports events like the Olympics and Football World Cup plays an integral role in fostering adults to be fit by doing exercise, I, however, agree with those who believe that there are many sources to appeal adults to move more apart from watching sports events. On the one hand, advocates of international events argue that showing sports like Cricket World Cup and Olympics have proven to be beneficial to boost many peoples interest in order to stay healthy. As many legendary athletes usually have billions of fans who follow them blindly as they are fit, healthy and relatively passionate about their goals. Due to this many fans are getting motivated to be active and healthy. Take Cristiano Ronaldo as an example, who is the role model for a significant number of people and some of his ordinary fans getting role model for a significant number of people and some of his ordinary fans get motivated to achieve their goal by having a healthy lifestyle. On the other hand, I would argue that there are many other ways to get attracted to keep lifestyle fit and healthy. Firstly, the company should organize gym facility inside the firm for employees so that they can do exercise for at least 45 minutes on a daily basis. If such breakouts offered to the employees, they would feel active and energetic, and, resulting in more concentrated on work and increase productivity. Moreover, the proper dietary system encourages people to stay fit and healthy as unhealthy often affect people health. Green vegetables, milk, fruit for at least five colours in a day can assist to maintain health fit so rather than consuming meat, adults should prioritize fruits, nuts, and green vegetables. In conclusion, although adults get encouraged through their role model athletes to stay fit and healthy by doing daily exercise, proper diet system and gymnasium also play a significant role in encouraging adults to be active and fit.
Leading busy in work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to find it difficult to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
on a daily basis. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that depicting international sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like the Olympics and Football World Cup plays an integral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources to appeal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
more apart from watching sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On the one hand, advocates of international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
argue that showing sports like Cricket World Cup and Olympics have proven to be beneficial to boost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
interest in order to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
legendary athletes
usually
have billions of fans who follow them
blindly
as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and
relatively
passionate about their goals. Due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans are getting motivated to be active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. Take Cristiano Ronaldo as an example, who is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model for a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of his ordinary fans getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model for a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of his ordinary fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivated to achieve their goal by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

On the other hand
, I would argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should organize gym facility inside the firm for employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for at least 45 minutes on a daily basis. If such breakouts offered to the employees, they would feel active and energetic, and, resulting in more concentrated on work and increase productivity.
Moreover
, the proper dietary system encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
as unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health. Green vegetables, milk, fruit for at least five
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
in a day can assist to maintain health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rather
than consuming meat,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should prioritize fruits, nuts, and green vegetables.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encouraged through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model athletes to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
by doing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, proper diet system and gymnasium
also
play a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to be active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Adults today do not do enough exercise. Some people believe that showing major sports events like the Olympics or the Football World Cup on television encourages people to exercise. Others argue that there are better ways to encourage adults to move more. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts