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Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. v. 1
People think, it is better for full-time students to work part-times while they study to earn money and get to know the hands-on praxis of their course. I would disagree with this opinion, because working students will need more time to study where they could be in their aimed job and earn a higher amount of money. As a full-time student your job is to learn, so it is defined that they don’t earn money. However, they need money to effort their life and some don’t get enough financial support from their parents. Therefore, they need to have a part-time job additionally to their study. Some poor young people would not be able to start to study if the opportunity to work would not exist. Moreover, university just provides a good theoretical basis for your future job, students don’t get hands-on experience which shows how to use their knowledge. That is why they need to be open to search for offers to apply their theoretical education in Praxis. Often, you just learn books by heart and forget the information after the exam. That is the reason, why working is a good choice, because you can use your knowledge directly after learning and you will remember it more easily. On the contrary, part-time working students mostly need an extra semester, but the actual aim would be to finish university early to start working. Students just earn a small percentage of the salary they would get after graduation, so they waste time and money if they take a part-time job. So, it would be more intelligent, to work while holidays, when they have time, also get experience and are able to earn more money. To conclude, many students need to work because they need the money. But the most efficient way to study would be to work on holidays, where you can also get working experience and money and try graduate as fast as you can, to earn more money in your dream job.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is better for full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-times while they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the hands-on praxis of their course. I would disagree with this opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
where they could be in their aimed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a higher amount of money.

As a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is to learn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is defined
that they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to effort their life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial support from their parents.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
additionally
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
poor young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
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study
if the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would not exist.

Moreover
, university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
theoretical basis for your future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hands-on experience which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their knowledge.
That is
why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be open to search for offers to apply their theoretical education in Praxis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learn books by heart and forget the information after the exam.
That is
the reason, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your knowledge
directly
after learning and you will remember it more
easily
.

On the contrary
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
mostly
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need
an extra semester,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual aim would be to finish university early to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of the salary they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
after graduation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they waste time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
if they take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it would be more intelligent, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while holidays, when they have time,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
experience and are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more money.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the most efficient way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
would be to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on holidays, where you can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and try graduate as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as you can, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in your dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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