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In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow vegetarian diets. Do the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages. v.1

In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow vegetarian diets. Do the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages. v. 1
The percentage of vegetarian people grows in some parts of the world. Therefore, this essay deals with the question, if the pros or cons of living on a meatless diet weight more. Eating just veggies and corn can cause deficiencies which can result in diseases. For example, it is very common to be deficient in iron if you prefer not to eat animals, especially if you are a woman. Then, you are always very tired and feel like you don’t have energy at all. A solution would be taking supplements, which are often very expensive and it is not sure if the body is able to use all of it. So, to avoid deficiencies and great expenses, you should eat a diet based on animal products. However, being vegetarian makes you a healthier person. Scientific studies show, that eating less meat correlates with a longer life. For instance, if you eat red meat you are more likely to get cancer than if you refuse to do it. Therefore, if would be a wise to fill your plate just with products like plants, rice, eggs or yoghurt to decrease your risk of getting cancer. To conclude, you can find advantages and disadvantages regarding following a vegetarian diet. On the one hand, you can get sick by having deficiencies because of not consuming animals and you need to spend money to get supplements. On the other hand, studies show a significant relationship between consuming meat and getting sick or dying because of cancer. So, living a longer, healthier life is a greater advantage than saving money when you don’t have to buy supplements.
The percentage of vegetarian
people
grows in
some
parts of the world.
Therefore
, this essay deals with the question, if the pros or cons of living on a meatless diet weight more.

Eating
just
veggies and corn can cause deficiencies which can result in diseases.
For example
, it is
very
common to be deficient in iron if you prefer not to eat animals,
especially
if you are a woman. Then, you are always
very
tired and feel like you don’t have energy at all. A solution would be taking supplements, which are
often
very
expensive and it is not sure if the body is able to
use
all of it.
So
, to avoid deficiencies and great expenses, you should eat a diet based on animal products.

However
, being vegetarian
makes
you a healthier person. Scientific studies
show
, that eating less meat correlates with a longer life.
For instance
, if you eat red meat you are more likely to
get
cancer than if you refuse to do it.
Therefore
, if would be a wise to fill your plate
just
with products like plants, rice, eggs or
yoghurt
to decrease your
risk
of getting cancer.

To conclude
, you can find advantages and disadvantages regarding following a vegetarian diet. On the one hand, you can
get
sick by having deficiencies
because
of not consuming animals and you need to spend money to
get
supplements.
On the other hand
, studies
show
a significant relationship between consuming meat and getting sick or dying
because
of cancer.
So
, living a longer, healthier life is a greater advantage than saving money when you don’t
have to
buy
supplements.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow vegetarian diets. Do the advantages of this outweighs the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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