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Some people say modern innovations brings lot of problems than benefits. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say modern innovations brings lot of problems than benefits. v. 2
It is often debatable that technological innovations in recent days are causing troubles rather than making one's life easier. Even though there are some negatives of using them widely, merits outweigh the drawbacks and I disagree that technology brought more problems than solutions. This essay illustrates the positives and possible measures in overcoming the negatives of it. There is no doubt that technology is everywhere in our day to day life and one cannot imagine their life without it as It made our life sophisticated. To begin with an example, Google maps benefited us in a remarkable way by easily navigating to the destination. It also shows traffic alerts and alternate ways in reaching destination, so that one can plan their journey accordingly. In addition to this, natural calamities like cyclones or thunderstorms are being predicted earlier itself and thereby giving ample time to people in evacuating their places and relocate to secure areas so that the precious lives of people can be saved. When it comes with drawbacks of innovation, Firstly, the radiation generated by mobile phones and telecommunication towers is alarming and causing the hazardous threat to most of the bird species in this concrete forest. Secondly, the young generation is more being addicted to technology, thereby neglecting their physical fitness and getting their health complications in early stages of their life. Finally to conclude, one has to embrace the positive aspects of technology and be conscious of the adverse effect of it and work towards them in overcoming them. Government also needs to act proactively in safeguarding the environment by imposing regulations.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debatable that technological innovations in recent days are causing troubles
rather
than making one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives of using them
widely
, merits outweigh the drawbacks and I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brought more problems than solutions. This essay illustrates the positives and possible measures in overcoming the negatives of it.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is everywhere in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and one cannot imagine their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without it as It made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
sophisticated. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with an example,
Did you mean "Google Maps"?
Google maps
benefited us
Consider replacing "in a remarkable way" with the adverb for "remarkable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a remarkable way
by
easily
navigating to the destination. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
traffic alerts and alternate ways in reaching destination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one can plan their journey
accordingly
.
In addition
to this, natural calamities like cyclones or thunderstorms are
being predicted
earlier itself and thereby giving ample time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in evacuating their places and relocate to secure areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
be saved
.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with drawbacks of innovation,
Firstly
, the radiation generated by mobile phones and telecommunication towers is alarming and causing the hazardous threat to most of the bird species in this concrete forest.
Secondly
, the young generation is more
being addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, thereby neglecting their physical fitness and getting their health complications in early stages of their life.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
to conclude
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
embrace the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and be conscious of the adverse effect of it and work towards them in overcoming them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
also
needs to act
proactively
in safeguarding the environment by imposing regulations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say modern innovations brings lot of problems than benefits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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