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All over the world the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer What problems does this cause How can we overcome the problems of poverty v.1

All over the world the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer What problems does this cause How can we overcome the problems of poverty v. 1
Many people believe that completing a university degree is the only way to get a good job; others think work experience matters more. While universities prepare an individual theoretically, working after school equips a person with skills required for coping in the workplace. In my opinion, both the aforementioned arguments are true to a certain extent. A university degree enhances an individual’s knowledge and promotes intellectual reasoning. This training makes an individual more mature and ready to face the challenges of the workplace. For example, when I was at university, most of our assignments involved critical thinking and research; this has expanded my knowledge in my field. In this modern world, most employers, especially those in sectors like finance and health insist that all applicants should have a degree. A student who starts working immediately after leaving school will not be able to obtain a professional degree and hence cannot find employment in these sectors. On the flip side, there are several benefits to getting a job soon after leaving school. A job will give the individual valuable work experience; however, it is limited to certain occupations such as those in arts and crafts, fashion designing and cooking where creativity and skills matter more. For example, my friend, who is a chef at a famous restaurant never went to a cooking school; however, she makes delicious food because she has worked at a restaurant ever since she left school. This experience helped her polish her cooking skills. To conclude, both university education and work experience have a role in guaranteeing a good job. Some occupations require a university degree while others do not. In my opinion, everyone should choose what is right for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that completing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
; others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
matters more. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
prepare an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
theoretically
, working after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
equips a person with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for coping in the workplace. In my opinion, both the aforementioned arguments are true to a certain extent.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
enhances an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
knowledge and promotes intellectual reasoning. This training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
more mature and ready to face the challenges of the workplace.
For example
, when I was at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, most of our assignments involved critical thinking and research; this has expanded my knowledge in my field. In this modern world, most employers,
especially
those in sectors like finance and health insist that all applicants should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. A student who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
working immediately after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not be able to obtain a professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and
hence
cannot find employment in these sectors.

On the flip side, there are several benefits to getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
valuable work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
;
however
, it
is limited
to certain occupations such as those in arts and crafts, fashion designing and cooking where creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
matter more.
For example
, my friend, who is a chef at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
restaurant never went to a cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
however
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
delicious food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she has worked at a restaurant ever since she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her polish her cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
have a role in guaranteeing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
occupations require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
while others do not. In my opinion, everyone should choose what is right for them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay All over the world the rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer What problems does this cause How can we overcome the problems of poverty v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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