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Some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. v. 2
Many people hold the belief that classical games, instead of modern ones, can improve children' s wide range of abilities. From my perspective, while I think some soft skills can be developed by playing traditional games, I disagree with this view for several reasons. It is undeniable that classical games can promote social skill development. In fact, most of them are team bonding games, which requires players to team up. By joining a group, children will learn how to communicate and cooperate with others. This is believed to enhance their development in social skills along well with their opportunities in future careers. Dragon snake, a genre of Vietnamese traditional game, for instance, requires children to form a long line called “dragon-snake”. The head of this line have to converse and negotiate with other members to prevent the last child from being touched by their opponent. In some ways, the head will be encouraged to develop leadership skills, which is extraordinary useful in the competitive job market. Contemporary games, however, play a very important role in the information age, requiring not only social skills but also technological ones. The majority of modern games are only available in the Internet or high-tech devices; therefore, children need to figure out how to use them to join games. The more children play modern games, the more proficient at such gadgets they are. This proficiency enables young players to achieve efficiency in many activities related to technology. Furthermore, contemporary games allow children to approach a novel environment known as a virtual world where they can be any characters and see extraordinary things. Their imagination will be nurtured and they tend to reconstitute what they saw, creating a bright future for the world. In conclusion, while I support the idea that traditional games can strengthen children’s abilities to communicate and collaborate, contemporary ones can nurture their imagination and help them master technological skills in the age of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
instead
of modern ones, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s wide range of abilities. From my perspective, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be developed
by playing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, I disagree with this view for several reasons.

It is undeniable that classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can promote social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development. In fact, most of them are team bonding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which requires players to team up. By joining a group,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn how to communicate and cooperate with others. This
is believed
to enhance their development in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
along well with their opportunities in future careers. Dragon snake, a genre of Vietnamese traditional game,
for instance
, requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to form a long line called “dragon-snake”. The head of this line
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
converse and negotiate with other members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the last child from
being touched
by their opponent. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, the head will
be encouraged
to develop leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which is extraordinary useful in the competitive job market.

Contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
however
, play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the information age, requiring not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
technological ones. The majority of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
available in the Internet or high-tech devices;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to figure out how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the more proficient at such gadgets they are. This proficiency enables young players to achieve efficiency in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities related to technology.
Furthermore
, contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to approach a novel environment known as a virtual world where they can be any characters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
extraordinary things. Their imagination will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nurtured and
they tend to reconstitute what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
, creating a bright future for the world.

In conclusion
, while I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
abilities to communicate and collaborate, contemporary ones can nurture their imagination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them master technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the age of technology.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say modern children's games do not develop a wide range of skills, while traditional games can be much better for developing such skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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