Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide range and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v.1

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide range and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 1
In this techno-savvy era, the use of computer is increasing among folks especially within children for games. This essay will discuss that how these computer games become harmful for health and distraction from study. Also, this essay will discuss, if there should be a time limit for playing games, then it decreases the negative effects of those. There are two bad effects of computers for children - health issues and study distraction. Firstly, the over usage of the computer will increase our well-being problems. When children spend more time in front of electronic devices, then it will create problems related to brain, head and eyesight. For instance, if a child has a large access to computer then it will become a reason behind physically unfit and the screen brightness will affect his/her eyes. However, computers are the main source of the distraction from class. For example, during the game children might find something interesting from study then there will fair chances to distract from study in the terms of challenging games also. Although, there are numerous bad effects of computers, but to solve this problem parents should have to set a time limit for children. If the parents will set a particular period of time so in that pace children can use computers not more then that, then it might helpful to decrease this problem. For instance, parents have to make a schedule for children, which includes all the activities for kids like, study, play outdoor, computer games and eating food, then they might reduce the use of computers and take part in every activity. To conclude, computers have become the necessity of modern life. This essay discussed the effects of using computers, including fitness problems and divert focus form consideration, also this essay provided a solution for this problem in terms of time limit for computer adoption.
In this techno-savvy era, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer is increasing among folks
especially
within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss that how these computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become harmful for health and distraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss, if there should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, then it decreases the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of those.

There are two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of computers for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
health issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
distraction.
Firstly
, the over usage of the computer will increase our well-being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of electronic devices, then it will create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to brain, head and eyesight.
For instance
, if a child has
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "large access".
a large access
to computer then it will become a reason behind
physically
unfit and the screen brightness will affect his/her eyes.
However
, computers are the main source of the distraction from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
For example
, during the game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might find something interesting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
then there will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chances to distract from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the terms of challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
.

Although, there are numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
parents should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the parents
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will set
a particular period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in that pace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers not more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
that, then it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
might helpful
to decrease this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
For instance
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a schedule for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which includes all the activities for kids like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, play outdoor, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and eating food, then they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in every activity.

To conclude
, computers have become the necessity of modern life. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed the effects of using computers, including fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and divert focus form consideration,
also
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
provided a solution for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit for computer adoption.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide range and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts