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Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. Discuss both views and give your own opinion and reasons. v.3

Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. v. 3
Since the ancient times, human has been in pursuit of happiness. There have been many arguments about the true definition of happiness. Some people argue that it comes from money, however, others, including me, believe that it is something that cannot be bought. Nowadays, many people in our society are materialists. It is undeniable that money is very powerful. It fulfills human’s desires, whether it is money, fame, power or social status. Achieving something we have always wished for definitely brings us happiness. For example, most of us are craving for social status. With money you will easily get into high society, make friends and get respect from successful people. In addition, the quality of life of rich people is absolutely much better since they are able to afford the finest things. Moreover, there are some memorable experiences which we have to pay for to go through such as travelling abroad or go camping with our family. On the other hand, others believe that giving is receiving. They trust in achieving happiness by helping people and contributing to the society. They find themselves happy and blissful in devoting to build a better world by helping those who are disabled or too poor. Buddha said “If you light a lamp for someone else it will also brighten your path”, serving society helps us discover our inner beauty as well as makes us feel fulfilled and gratified. The sense of fulfillment shows that our life have purpose and makes it rich, meaningful and happy. To sum up, there are convincing arguments that material possessions bring happiness. Nevertheless, I personally think the truly way of achieving happiness is giving and helping.
Since the ancient times, human has been in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments about the true definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
however
, others, including me, believe that it is something that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are materialists. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful. It fulfills
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human desires"?
human’s desires
, whether it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, fame, power or social status. Achieving something we have always wished for definitely brings us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, most of us are craving for social status. With
The comma is probably missing here: "money, you".
money you
will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect from successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, the quality of life of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
absolutely
much better since they are able to afford the finest things.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
memorable experiences which we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for to go through such as travelling abroad or go camping with our family.

On the other hand
, others believe that giving is receiving. They trust in achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
by helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and contributing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They find themselves happy and blissful in devoting to build a better world by helping those who
are disabled
or too poor. Buddha said “If you light a lamp for someone else it will
also
brighten your path”, serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us discover our inner beauty
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us feel fulfilled and gratified. The sense of fulfillment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that our life have purpose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it rich, meaningful and happy.

To sum up, there are convincing arguments that material possessions bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
Nevertheless
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
truly
way of achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is giving and helping.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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