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Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. Discuss both views and give your own opinion and reasons. v.2

Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. v. 2
Happiness is the most admirable feeling. While some people believe that possess a huge amount of wealth would make a person happy, by acquiring anything in the world with the power of money. However, the real joy is in the sharing dining table with loved ones or donating food to the needy. In this essay, I will discuss both the statements with the suitable examples. Having the high financial status gives you the liberty to buy any luxurious house and car, which will provide the comfortable living. A rich person does not have to think twice before buying anything which is needed. In other words, a person can fulfil their needs with no time. For instance, India's richest man, Mukesh Ambani house is worth cost of 200 million USD, and it has all the necessary premium amenities for leading a stress free life. In contrast, an earning such a huge fortune requires years of hard work and people with strong will power can achieve this feat. On the other hand, a humble, middle class family finds the happiness from the small moments of the daily life. Likewise, having a dinner together with family on a dining table creates a light mood of fullness. For instance, some families tend to donate a small fraction of wealth from their daily wages to the roadside sleepers, which give them a sense of achievement and this made them feel more enlightened. To conclude, while some people are wealthy enough to buy the materialist happiness, but a true sense of happiness can only be achieved by having quality time with family and helping others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is the most admirable feeling. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that possess a huge amount of wealth would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person happy, by acquiring anything in the world with the power of money.
However
, the real joy is in the sharing dining table with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones or donating food to the needy. In this essay, I will discuss both the statements with the suitable examples.

Having the high financial status gives you the liberty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and car, which will provide the comfortable living. A rich person does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying anything which
is needed
.
In other words
, a person can fulfil their needs with no time.
For instance
, India's richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, Mukesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is worth cost of 200 million USD, and it has all the necessary premium amenities for leading a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life.
In contrast
, an earning such a huge fortune requires years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with strong will power can achieve this feat.

On the other hand
, a humble, middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
finds the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
moments of the daily life.
Likewise
,
When we speak of types of meals, the article is not required: "having dinner".
having a dinner
together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
on a dining table creates a light mood of fullness.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to donate a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fraction of wealth from their daily wages to the roadside sleepers, which give them a sense of achievement and this made them feel more enlightened.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the materialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a true sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
by having quality time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and helping others.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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