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Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. 1
From the ancient time hitherto, humankind has been in pursuit of happiness. Although possessing precious things is somewhat some people believe that it gained happiness for them, personally, I am more likely to believe that something cannot be bought by money and strong arguments exists in support of both sides of this debate. On the one hand, many people in modern civilization are materialists. It is irrefutable that money is extremely powerful in terms of fulfilling people’s desires such as fame or property. Meanwhile, it leads to the fact that people feel more comfortable and satisfied when they use their money to meet their needs which definitely bring them bliss. For example, people are constantly craving for social status; with money, they can easily upscale in the society as well as get respect from others which gained delight in the mind of these people. In addition, they can afford things under no pressure on making money to meet the basic needs which are defined as happiness for them. On the other hand, others fundamentally agree that giving is receiving. By helping people and contributing to the society, they have a faith in achieving pleasure. For instance, non-profit organizations established in order to help those who are poor or disabled, these organization is run by devoting people who are trusting in happiness can be raised by supporting others. Besides, serving society helps them discover the inner beauty and make these people feel fulfilled and gratified. The sense of fulfillment shows that life is meaningful and marvelous. In conclusion, with the reasons stated above, I am utterly convinced that happiness cannot be taken by money and what money brings is not a happiness but a satisfaction and selfishness of one following materialism.
From the ancient time hitherto, humankind has been in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although possessing precious things is somewhat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for them,
personally
, I am more likely to believe that something cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and strong arguments exists in support of both sides of this debate.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern civilization are materialists. It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
extremely
powerful in terms of fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desires such as fame or property. Meanwhile, it leads to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more comfortable and satisfied when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs which definitely bring them bliss.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
constantly
craving for social status; with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can
easily
upscale in the society
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect from others which gained delight in the mind of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, they can afford things under no pressure on making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic needs which
are defined
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
for them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others
fundamentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that giving is receiving. By helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and contributing to the society, they have a faith in achieving pleasure.
For instance
, non-profit organizations established in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those who are poor or disabled,
Did you mean "this organization" or "these organizations"?
these organization
is run
by devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are trusting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
be raised
by supporting others.
Besides
, serving society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them discover the inner beauty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel fulfilled and gratified. The sense of fulfillment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that life is meaningful and marvelous.

In conclusion
, with the reasons stated above, I am
utterly
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a satisfaction and selfishness of one following materialism.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people say material possessions are very useful in bringing us happiness, but others argue that they are useless in terms of providing happiness. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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