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people attend college or university for many different reasons (for exmaple, new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

people attend college or university for many different reasons (for exmaple, new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Nowadays, attending colleges is becoming popular in our society. Certainly, people are considering learning at universities more valuable than they were before. However, there are more than one reason motivating them to be a students. In this essay, I will discuss several causes of this tendency and support them with examples. The purpose of preparing for their career seems to be the first reason why people go to universities. In fact, learning at universities is the best way for a person who have to find job in the future. Specifically, although there is a huge number of recruitments anually, but there are many jobless people all around the world. It is because of the fact that the knowledge and skills they have is not academic enough for them to satisfy the employers’ requirements. Therefore, the more carefully they were trained, the more easily for them to find a job. On the other hand, learning at universities, people would approach not only great scholar in but also academic and numerous material in their fields. Therefore, it is a great chance for them to enrich their skills needed for the future’s recruitments. Last but not least, universities bring people chances to have new skills. Actually, attending colleges, many people have to deal with many problems that they have never faced before: accomodation, assigments, seminars, working in group. . . Therefore, they have to get more skills to overcome, such as dicussing, argueing or even searching on the Internet. For example, my classmate told me that if he did not become a student, he might never know how to use Microsoft Office. I think university changed his life for the better. In conclusion, I think the above reasons are the most popular causes motivating people to attending colleges. Thanks to these advantages, universities will have been an ideal choice for people in the future.
Nowadays, attending colleges is becoming popular in our society.
Certainly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considering learning at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
more valuable than they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, there are more than one reason motivating them to be
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a student" or simply "students"?
a students
. In this essay, I will discuss several causes of this tendency and support them with examples.

The purpose of preparing for their career seems to be the
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. In fact, learning at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is the best way for a person who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find job in the future.
Specifically
, although there is a huge number of recruitments
Possible spelling mistake found.
anually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world. It is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
the knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they have is not academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them to satisfy the employers’ requirements.
Therefore
, the more
carefully
they
were trained
, the more
easily
for them to find a job.
On the other hand
, learning at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would approach not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
great scholar in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
academic and numerous material in their fields.
Therefore
, it is a great chance for them to enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
needed for the future’s recruitments.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
chances
to have new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Actually, attending colleges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that they have never faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
:
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
assigments
, seminars, working in group.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to overcome, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
dicussing
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
argueing
or even searching on the Internet.
For example
, my classmate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that if he did not become a student, he might never know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Microsoft Office. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his life for the better.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the above reasons are the most popular causes motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attending colleges. Thanks to these advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
will have been an ideal choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay people attend college or university for many different reasons (for exmaple, new experience, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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