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n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 1
Owing to the increases in the family"s expenditures. Some people think that both the father and the mother need to have a job. Furthermore, there are others who believe that parents support it is more important than extra income. I will discuss both sides of the argument and I will summaries my personal conclusion. on the one hand, a plenty number of people think that having both parents working is a necessary these days. Many things become more expensive than it used to be in the past, people safer, to receive what they require in their daily life. For example, I have had to rent a house in the city center and that had cost me a lot of money, which it is almost impossible to afford with a one salary, because of that two of them need to go out to work. Moreover, in my point of view, another reason is to give their children a good education. Without two of them working this things cannot be done. On the other hand, there is some people believe that they needed at lest one of the parents with them. They have felt lack supported due to their parent"s absence. However, money could be important, but not more than spending time together. Indeed, not having their parents around could have had a bad effect on them. For instance, I have personally read a study that has claimed that children with personality problems had spent less time with their parents. I think this can be a good reason for parents to start thinking about the most important thing to them, their kids. In conclusion, parents need to put their kids first, making a good money it is a good thing for the family. Nevertheless, having time for them it is as important as making money.
Owing to the increases in the
The double quotation mark seems incorrect here.
family"s
expenditures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both the father and the mother need to have a job.
Furthermore
, there are others who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
support it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than extra income. I will discuss both sides of the argument and I
The word 'summaries' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will summaries
my personal conclusion.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working is a necessary these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
things become more expensive than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
safer, to receive what they require in their daily life.
For example
, I have had to rent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the city center and that had cost me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which it is almost impossible to afford
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
with


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
one salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that two of them need to go out to work.
Moreover
, in my point of view, another reason is to give their children a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education. Without two of them working
Did you mean "these"?
this
things cannot
be done
.

On the other hand
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they needed at lest one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with them. They have felt lack supported due to their
The double quotation mark seems incorrect here.
parent"s
absence.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not more than spending time together.
Indeed
, not having their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
around could have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect on them.
For instance
, I have
personally
read a study that has claimed that children with personality problems had spent less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
thinking about the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing to them, their kids.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to put their kids
first
, making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
thing for the family.
Nevertheless
, having time for them it is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
as making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay n today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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