Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So, having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So, having a permanent job is more important. v. 3
It is true that the question of whether having a permanent job is more important than job satisfaction has been a source of vigorous debate. While many individuals argue that pursuing a long-lasting job is priority, I contend that a job that satify you is highly crucial. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why some maintain that a permanent career is much more important for job seekers to find. One possible reason is that they could enjoy a better defined career path, meaning that the more time they spend on a job, the higher occupational achievements they gain. If, for example, one works a certain enterprise for ages, then it is obvious that this person could have higher salary due to the salary policy that increase wage per 6 months or even have better job positions in this firm instead of striving to seek a dream job with no guarantee about money and prospect. Another reason could be because workers could get accustomed to their careers os opposed to a new staff who have to experience a training session in their very first stage and could have numerous stresses and strains in order to get used to their totally new position. On the other hand, I would agree with those who advocate that job satisfaction should be given a top priority for these following triggers. Firstly, satifying with a new job means that staff could pursue their dreams in career and work with passion. As a result, they would show strong determination and devote a great deal of time and efforts to their position, leading to the short-term and long-term success in career path. Secondly, pursuing their job aspiration could result in a fufilling life and abstain from stress or other psychological diseases, which easily affect those staff if they follow a well-paid job without any satisfaction. In conclusion, it seems to me that job satisfaction is of paramount important for those job hunters to follow although job security to some extent could benefit them.
It is true that
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
having a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction has been a source of vigorous debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals argue that pursuing a long-lasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is priority, I contend that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
satify
you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "am", "are", "aren"
is
highly
crucial.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
maintain that a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers to find. One possible reason is that they could enjoy a better defined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path, meaning that the more time they spend on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the higher occupational achievements they gain. If,
for example
, one works a certain enterprise for ages, then it is obvious that this person could have higher salary due to the salary policy that increase wage per 6 months or even have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions in this firm
instead
of striving to seek a dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with no guarantee about money and prospect. Another reason could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
workers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
Possible spelling mistake found.
os
opposed to a new staff who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience a training session in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
stage and could have numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and strains in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to their
totally
new position.

On the other hand
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a top priority for these following triggers.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
satifying
with a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
means that staff could pursue their dreams in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and work with passion.
As a result
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
strong determination and devote a great deal of time and efforts to their position, leading to the short-term and long-term success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path.
Secondly
, pursuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
aspiration could result in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fufilling
life and abstain from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or other psychological diseases, which
easily
affect those staff if they follow a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without any satisfaction.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is of paramount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters to follow although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent could benefit them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say job satisfaction is more important than job security, others think people cannot always enjoy their jobs. So, having a permanent job is more important. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts