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Some people say its a waste of time when plan for future. Its more important to focus on present. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say its a waste of time when plan for future. Its more important to focus on present. v. 1
Planning for the future is indeed a very significant task for the individuals nowadays. While a vast majority of people consider that it is a mere wastage of time and they must concentrate on making their present beautiful. This essay disagrees with the given statement because it becomes important to secure the future for a better and happy life. Moreover, one should make term insurance plans in order to ignore the adversity at the time of any mishap. To commence with, making plans for the coming period is advantageous for the individual. This is due to the fact that if a person spends the whole time working in the present by indulging himself in the entertaining activities and does not think about the coming years, then definitely he will not be going to have a good and stable life. For instance, each of us are well aware that youth should focus on their study, so that they can achieve their goals as soon as possible. But if they will not pay attention, then it will destroy their future. Thus despite the certain merits of focusing on the present time, the significance of the later years cannot be overlooked. Furthermore, there are several advantages associated with this planning. As we all know, our future is uncertain and no one can predict what will happen in the next moment. Hence to reduce the adverse effects of any incident, one must secure himself. For example, life insurance plans which play a crucial role in an individual lifetime, it provides a security for the family, and also children may not suffer from problems after the death of a person. To elucidate, sometimes to minimise the destruction as a result of any mishap can be avoided by some pre-planned steps. To conclude, although a section of the community favours the emphasis on the present. I, however, think that some sort of management is always needed for the security of the further period.
Planning for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant task for the individuals nowadays. While a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that it is a mere wastage of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
concentrate on making their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
. This essay disagrees with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for a better and happy life.
Moreover
, one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
term insurance plans in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the adversity at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of any mishap.

To commence with, making plans for the coming period is advantageous for the individual.
This is due to the fact that
if a person spends the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
by indulging himself in the entertaining activities and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the coming years, then definitely he will not be going to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and stable life.
For instance
, each of us are well aware that youth should focus on their study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can achieve their goals as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if they will not pay attention, then it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
despite the certain merits of focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the significance of the later years cannot
be overlooked
.

Furthermore
, there are several advantages associated with this planning. As we all know, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is uncertain and no one can predict what will happen in the
next
moment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the adverse effects of any incident, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
secure himself.
For example
, life insurance plans which play a crucial role in an individual lifetime, it provides a security for the family, and
also
children may not suffer from problems after the death of a person. To elucidate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the destruction
as a result
of any mishap can
be avoided
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-planned
steps.

To conclude
, although a section of the community
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the emphasis on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of management is always needed for the security of the
further
period.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say its a waste of time when plan for future. Its more important to focus on present. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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