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Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Living in homes and working on sites with everything in a proper order makes our life much easier and comfortable. I agree with the above statement and I will express my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. With the increased stuff related to workplace and of daily use, our daily routine life has become more hectic and busy, therefore requiring our more attention and care to look after them. Having everything at an appropriate place can save our time. For example, if there are shortcuts of daily used gadgets on our computer or laptop screen, you do not need to open multiple folders to access them. Furthermore, if anyone wants to check their emails, computer should be at a proper place where sitting on a chair and approaching to the mouse and keyboard is more easy. Moreover, our living places must be tidy in order to get a good impression of people who visit our houses. First of all, there must be a plate of your name outside your residence so that people do not have to search your house if they visit you first time. Secondly, system related to plumbing and electricity should be free of any safety hazards and these equipment must be inspected after some intervals of time in order to ensure the safety of family and friends. To conclude, in my opinion a number of stuff in our life has increased the need for everything to be arranged in a well manner way and up to order so that we do not have to give our input to a large extent.
Living in homes and working on sites with everything in a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life much easier and comfortable. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement and I will express my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

With the increased stuff related to workplace and of daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, our daily routine life has become more hectic and busy,
therefore
requiring our more attention and care to look after them. Having everything at an appropriate place can save our time.
For example
, if there are shortcuts of daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
gadgets on our computer or laptop screen, you do not need to open multiple folders to access them.
Furthermore
, if anyone wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their emails, computer should be at a proper place where sitting on a chair and approaching to the mouse and keyboard is more easy.

Moreover
, our living places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be tidy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who visit our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a plate of your name outside your residence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
search your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
if they visit you
first
time.
Secondly
, system related to plumbing and electricity should be free of any safety hazards and
Did you mean "this equipment" or "these equipments"?
these equipment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be inspected
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intervals of time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to ensure the safety of family and friends.

To conclude
, in my opinion
Possible agreement error. The noun stuff seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much stuff", "a good deal of stuff".
a number of stuff
in our life has increased the need for everything to
be arranged
in a well manner way and up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give our input to a large extent.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people say it is important to keep your home and workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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