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Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society? v.1

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society? v. 1
It is the fact that there are a few of students chooses science-related subjects in current time. This causes from some transparent reasons and makes negative impacts on our society. There are two main reasons for this trend. The first reason is that science subjects are always considered as difficult themes, which cover a lot of ground and various practical researches. Therefore, students who choose these subjects need work hard and certainly passionate about their works unless they will soon drop out of college. Moreover, most of science majors take much time than others to gain bachelor degree, which made students hesitated whether they should choose science major or not. The second reason is in our society, there are few science recruitments which are just suitable for some high-flyers in university. Thus, other students have to suffer from unemployment or look up to other jobs. The shortage of science students has adverse influence on our society. Firstly, if many students do not choose science major, there will be lack of employees in this major. Therefore, it is impossible that inventions about technology, chemical, biology will be reduced and then, people’s living standard will not develop as fast as we need. Secondly, when most of students choose other majors such as finance or business-related majors, the number of job vacancies in these areas is scarce. Consequently, such university graduates would have to face unemployment, which increases burden on society. In conclusion, there are some factors making students do not want to choose science subjects and this problem can bring various unfavorable impacts.
It is the fact that there are a few of
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
science-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time. This causes from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
transparent
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reasons
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on our society.

There are two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this trend. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are always considered as difficult themes, which cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ground and various practical researches.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
need work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
certainly
passionate about their works unless they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
drop out of college.
Moreover
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
take much time than others to gain bachelor degree, which made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
hesitated whether they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
or not. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is in our society, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
recruitments which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high-flyers in university.
Thus
,
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from unemployment or look up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs.

The shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has adverse influence on our society.
Firstly
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
, there will be lack of employees in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
Therefore
, it is impossible that inventions about technology, chemical, biology will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and then,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s living standard will not develop as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as we need.
Secondly
, when most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
such as finance or business-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
majors
, the number of job vacancies in these areas is scarce.
Consequently
, such university graduates would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face unemployment, which increases burden on society.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and this problem can bring various unfavorable impacts.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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