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Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artist including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artist including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money v. 1
In this 21st century, people are very much interested in enhancing skill and spending good time on different arts such as music, painting and being romantic with their partner with an old poem. While a group of supporter asking government to encourage special skilled person by providing them several benefits, another group is opposing the same thing and stating that it is worthless to spend money on it. This debate is a hot potato these days in the market. If we look at one side, the crowd of people who are against in dividing financial substitute, they might be arguing that provided fund should be allocated to the top most necessary things to mankind such as medical, food, and water crises. In the developing and poor country people are facing issues such as water pollution, hunger, low medical facilities. To come up from this issue it requires more investment in these areas. For example, in India, at the rural area, people are still facing problem of clean water. The government should focus on basic things first and should increase necessary structure. For instance, water purification plant. However, at the another side, the different arts such as painting helps people to enhance their creativity in their personal life. Making different arts and their role model popular, and providing them special benefits can increase interest in people’s life. For instance, in the United States of America, auction of painting happening frequently by government and the painting is getting sold in crores of dollars which can increase revenue of personal and government. In conclusion, in my opinion, the debate of allocating budget by government for the artist could be beneficial to the society or not? The consideration should be made after looking on the priority of the particular country’s economy.
In this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much interested in enhancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and spending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
arts such as music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
and being romantic with their partner with an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
poem. While a group of supporter asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to encourage special skilled person by providing them several benefits, another group is opposing the same thing and stating that it is worthless to spend money on it. This debate is a hot potato these days in the market.

If we look at one side, the crowd of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are against in dividing financial substitute, they might be arguing that provided fund should
be allocated
to the top most necessary things to mankind such as medical, food, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
crises. In the developing and poor country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing issues such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution, hunger, low medical facilities. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up from this issue it requires more investment in these areas.
For example
, in India, at the rural area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
facing problem of clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on basic things
first
and should increase necessary structure.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
purification plant.

However
, at the another side, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
arts such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enhance their creativity in their personal life. Making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
arts and their role model popular, and providing them special benefits can increase interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
For instance
, in the United States of America, auction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
happening
frequently
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
is getting sold in crores of dollars which can increase revenue of personal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, the debate of allocating budget by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for the artist could be beneficial to the society or not? The consideration should
be made
after looking on the priority of the particular country’s economy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artist including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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