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Some People say it is important to keep home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place What is your opinion about this? v.1

Some People say it is important to keep home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Maintaining neatness in the surroundings, be it our professional place or at our house, is an art, which everyone should learn. Some people believe that this is important, and my opinion goes in line with them. This essay will put forward some reasons to support my view and highlight some of the benefits of such practice. The fundamental reason to keep everything in an organized manner is that it makes us more efficient. This is important because if we have an allocated place for everything, it is easy to find it instantaneously. For instance, usually people often tend to miss their car or bike keys, thereby, having a designated place to keep the keys would solve this problem. Another reason is that a clean and tidy place represents the culture of the house. This means that children inherit this behaviour and continue the legacy of leading an organized life. Moreover, when in the office, such behaviour manifests professionalism, which is considered to be a basic attribute of a working professional. This is important because if all the necessary files and useful things are arranged systematically, this attracts the attention of the colleagues as well as the seniors in the workplace, which indeed improves the visibility for that person. In contrast, if someone is not organizing things around him, this will present an unprofessional picture oh him. Therefore, missing out on the opportunity to impress his bosses when compared to the person who is organized. In conclusion, tidiness and organized behaviour help us in being efficient, upholding a rich culture, reflecting professionalism and visibility in the offices. In my opinion, it is essential to posses such characteristic due to the aforementioned reasons.
Maintaining neatness in the surroundings, be it our professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
or at our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, is an art, which everyone should learn.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and my opinion goes in line with them. This essay will put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to support my view and highlight
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefits of such practice.

The fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
everything
Consider replacing "in an organized manner" with the adverb for "organized"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an organized manner
is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us more efficient. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we have an allocated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for everything, it is easy to find it
instantaneously
.
For instance
,
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to miss their car or bike keys, thereby, having a designated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the keys would solve this problem. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that a clean and tidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
represents the culture of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This means that children inherit this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and continue the legacy of leading an organized life.

Moreover
, when in the office, such
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
manifests professionalism, which
is considered
to be a basic attribute of a working professional. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if all the necessary files and useful things
are arranged
systematically
, this attracts the attention of the colleagues
as well
as the seniors in the workplace, which
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the visibility for that person.
In contrast
, if someone is not organizing things around him, this will present an unprofessional picture oh him.
Therefore
, missing out on the opportunity to impress his bosses when compared to the person who
is organized
.

In conclusion
, tidiness and organized
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in being efficient, upholding a rich culture, reflecting professionalism and visibility in the offices. In my opinion, it is essential to posses such characteristic due to the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People say it is important to keep home and your workplace tidy, with everything organized and in the correct place What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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