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Some people say it is a good idea for all employees to wear a uniform at work To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people say it is a good idea for all employees to wear a uniform at work v. 1
Is this the planet or a dustbin? It is observed over a period of time that we have developed into 'dispose of' culture as the activities of the mankind have filled the environment with polythene bags and other garbage which cannot be fully disposed off and I strongly agree with this opinion. My points of the argument and the measures to prevent this nuisance are discussed further. This 'throw away' attitude of people has caused an increase in trash everywhere on earth and accumulation of this garbage have serious adverse effects on the environment. For instance, throwing off a plastic bag on the beach area or in the river, when they go deep in water, it is misinterpreted by fishes that it may be jellyfish and when they engulf this polythene bag they get choked and die. The similar situation is also observed in terrestrial animals as well, where animals like cow and buffalo eats polythene bag along with the food which cause its accumulation in their stomach. So it can be clearly seen that improper disposal of waste cause serious harm on various living creatures. In addition to this, lack of proper disposal has caused an increase in the size of 'Pirana' (the garbage dumping site in Ahmedabad) which may cause a widespread of various diseases including dengue, malaria and many others. The measures that should be taken in order to observe a significant reduction in such nuisance includes the system for separation of biodegradable and non biodegradable waste and then by separately collecting them and disposing them off. The non biodegradable material usage should be decreased or banned and also instead of throwing them off they should be reused and recycled. To sum up, this 'throw-away' culture has seriously turned environment in a 'trash can' that has a serious adverse effect on all life forms so it is necessary to establish a proper disposal system mainly by dividing waste in terms of biodegradable and non-biodegradable rubbish.
Is this the planet or a dustbin? It
is observed
over a period of time that we have developed into 'dispose of' culture as the activities of the mankind have filled the environment with polythene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bags
and other garbage which cannot be
fully
disposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
and I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion. My points of the argument and the measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this nuisance
are discussed
further
.

This 'throw away' attitude of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has caused an increase in trash everywhere on earth and accumulation of this garbage have serious adverse effects on the environment.
For instance
, throwing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
a plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
on the beach area or in the river, when they go deep in water, it
is misinterpreted
by fishes that it may be jellyfish and when they engulf this polythene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
choked and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. The similar situation is
also
observed in terrestrial animals
as well
, where animals like cow and buffalo eats polythene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
along with the food which cause its accumulation in their stomach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that improper disposal of waste cause serious harm on various living creatures.

In addition
to this, lack of proper disposal has caused an increase in the size of '
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pirana
' (the garbage dumping site in Ahmedabad) which may cause
The phrase 'a widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a widespread of
various diseases including dengue, malaria and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others.

The measures that should
be taken
in order to observe a significant reduction in such nuisance includes the system for separation of biodegradable and
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non biodegradable
waste and then by
separately
collecting them and disposing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
. The
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non biodegradable
material usage should
be decreased
or banned and
also
instead
of throwing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
off
they should
be reused
and recycled.

To sum up, this 'throw-away' culture has
seriously
turned environment in a 'trash can' that has a serious adverse effect on all life forms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to establish a proper disposal system
mainly
by dividing waste in terms of biodegradable and non-biodegradable rubbish.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say it is a good idea for all employees to wear a uniform at work v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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